Heartlines
by calzonayang
Summary: Their story. Reimagined. Or: The really gay sanvers high school AU that no one asked for. 'Maybe it's her gorgeous eyes, raised just enough to meet Alex's gaze, maybe it's the perfect fullness of her lips that make Alex's own tingle in a way that sends adrenaline coursing through her blood. Alex doesn't know why, but she can't look away.'
1. Chapter 1

Eliza's words – or rather, their implications - are still echoing in Alex's ears long after the door slammed in her mother's face. Long after Kara went to Lena's for an impromptu sleepover, long after Alex almost gave herself a concussion with the garage door, trying to wrestle her surfboard out of the building, and long after Alex gave up reasoning with her mother and ran.

Ran, because she's not enough, not enough, not enough.

So now, Alex is lying on her stomach on the board, letting the waves wash over her numb fingers. This might be California, but in December – especially at night time - it's still pretty damn cold. It's beautiful, though; the gentle glimmer of moonlight sparkling on the water, bathing the whole world in a perfect silver glow.

Alex has always found this beach oddly comforting; she and Jeremiah used to spend their evenings there every Friday, then when Kara (literally) crashed into their lives, she tagged along, bringing a truly disturbing quantity of marshmallows to toast over the bonfire as she told them stories of Krypton. Occasionally, Eliza would come home from work before midnight, and join them, and Kara would fall asleep, head lolling on her new mother's shoulder as their shadows danced on the sand, as they talked into the night.

But Alex? Alex would stiffen. Alex would bite her nails until they couldn't cut her palms when they inevitably curled into fists. Alex would stare at her feet and hope that Eliza wouldn't ask about school, wouldn't ask about a boy, wouldn't ask why there's still that one girl in Kara's class who teases her no matter what Alex does about it, no matter how hard she tries to protect her little sister.

The waves are starting to climb further and further up the sand; if Alex doesn't head back now, she knows she'll be stranded. And besides, hypothermia would just be inconvenient at this point; she has a biology exam tomorrow that she should probably be studying for.

With a sigh, Alex starts to paddle. Smooth, easy strokes cutting a line through the dark waves until she's waist deep in the surf. The iciness of the water sends a shock through Alex's body, and her muscles tense up with cold as she wades through the water. But Alex ignores the shivering, ignores the pain, ignores the aching emptiness in her chest, because why shouldn't she? Why does she deserve more than pain, more than being told she's never enough?

Because she can't protect Kara, can't pass enough college level classes to please Eliza, can't 'find the right boy'.

She can't, can't, can't.

The loud beeping of a car horn pulls Alex abruptly from her thoughts as she crosses the road, leaving a trail of cold water along the cement.

"Hey, Alex! Get in," Lucy shouts, rolling down the window of the driver's seat.

"But I'm all wet," Alex protests, gesturing to her dripping wetsuit.

"Get in the damn car, Danvers."

Alex mutters a "fine" under her breath as she shoves the surfboard in the backseat and sits on the unused towel in her hands, trying to suppress the shivering.

Lucy eyes her suspiciously, absent-mindedly fiddling with the heating controls as the engine growls into life.

"Wanna tell me why you were surfing at ten pm… in February? What's wrong?"

Alex sighs, fixing her stare on the green blur of trees through the window.

"What makes you think something's wrong?"

"Little Danvers isn't the only one with a crinkle." She pokes the gap between Alex's eyebrows affectionately.

"Eliza," she mutters after a while, still refusing to meet Lucy's concerned gaze.

"Right. You okay?"

"Sure. And speaking of which," Alex lifts an eyebrow at her friend, "where were you going?"

"Home. I was… I was with Vasquez."

Alex chuckles lightly.

"You finally told them about your giant crush? I was getting sick of listening to you fawn over their biceps every gym lesson."

Lucy narrows her eyes.

"Shut up, Danvers. I don't have a crush. Actually, they were telling me about a new kid."

"New kid? Who?"

"Maggie Sawyer. Starting tomorrow."

"How do you even know that?"

"That'd be telling. She's from Nebraska."

"Huh. Why move here of all places?"

"That's something I don't know," Lucy tells her with a shrug.

They pull up outside the house, and Alex groans when Eliza's light turns on. She's waiting for her. Of course she is. Alex takes a couple of deep breaths before stepping out into the cold.

"Good luck in there, Danvers," Lucy tells her, honesty weighing on her tone.

"Sure. Thanks for the ride."

"Anytime."

Alex nods her thanks and grabs her board, shoving it behind a bush to be thought about later.

Eliza is waiting for her when she opens the door.

"Alexandra. I was worried about you."

Alex flinches at the sound of her full name. After all these years, all she associates it with is being yelled at, with Jeremiah trying to calm her down on the roof, with Kara's sad eyes watching as she bruises her knuckles on her heavy bag late at night.

"I need to shower." The sentence is short, monotonous, and Eliza takes in the pained, exhausted look in Alex's eyes and nods once, leaving her alone in the hallway.

Lucy's car doesn't start again until she sees Alex's bedroom light flicker on.

Alex wakes long before the shrill ringing of her alarm. She runs further than usual, pushing her body to its limits and ignoring the stabbing pain of lactic acid in her muscles. At the other side of town, there's a silver Volvo she's never seen before parked outside one of the apartment blocks. Alex wonders briefly whether the new girl lives there.

Thankfully, Eliza is already at work by the time Kara bursts into the house, babbling happily about her sleepover, and how nice Lena Luthor is, how pretty her hair is, how smart she is, how good at biology, and 'you'd love her, Alex!'. Kara has always been one to get very excited about new people, new additions to their rag-tag little family, and it's all Alex can do to chuckle at the Kryptonian's enthusiasm.

The bleariness of sleep deprivation doesn't wear off until long after her shower, and Alex dresses in a haze, the mental fog clouding her thoughts skewing her perception of time – by the time she can bring herself to step out of the hot water, it's already seven thirty. She pulls on an old flannel over a white t-shirt, faded blue jeans and her favourite belt. Kara rolls her eyes pointedly at her from the bathroom, a toothbrush hanging out of her mouth as she watches her sister cram textbooks into her bag.

Alex ruffles her hair with a sleepy grin when Kara comes downstairs, handing her little sister a plate stacked high with blueberry pancakes.

"Oh! You made my favourite!" Kara squeals, knocking a chair over in her hurry to cram them into her mouth.

"Wait…" the fourteen-year-old hesitates, swallowing as she watches Alex sip her coffee. "Why did you make pancakes? Do you know what day it is?"

"I know, Earth Birthday's tomorrow. Can't I treat my little sister?"

"I guess," Kara agrees with a shrug.

Her hand moves inhumanly fast to defend her breakfast as Alex reaches for a bite of pancake.

"Hey! Don't touch the food!"

"I made them," Alex pretends to scowl, hiding her grin with her mug.

"I will melt your face," Kara threatens, her eyes glinting with mischief.

"Stupid powers," Alex mutters as she pours herself a bowl of cereal.

"New girl. Three o'clock," a voice whispers in Alex's ear, startling her.

"Dammit, Vasquez," Alex complains, slamming her microbiology textbook shut.

Her eyes follow their gesture, and sure enough, a short girl with dark hair is standing by a locker, arm poised to open its door. Alex can only see the back of her head, and it takes a moment for her to realise that the boy towering over her, the boy who's been asking Alex out every other month since middle school, the boy who's known for being an arrogant, egotistical rich kid, is talking to her.

Maxwell Lord.

And for some reason, the scene makes Alex's skin crawl.

"Hey!" Alex is striding towards them before she can think, her legs carrying her forward without her permission, "what the hell do you think you're doing?"

Max looks up with a sneer twisting his features.

"What's it to you, nerd?" The word isn't really an insult anymore, but more of a nickname used primarily for the oldest Danvers girl.

Alex stares him down until he looks away, a trick she's learnt after years of defending Kara.

"Leave her be," she tells him, her voice cold, eyes blazing.

He shrugs, but leaves anyway, swinging his rucksack over one shoulder and sauntering down the corridor in a way that makes Alex's fists clench involuntarily.

Maggie turns around for the first time, and Alex's breath hitches in her throat. There's something about her. Maybe it's her gorgeous eyes, raised just enough to meet Alex's gaze, maybe it's the perfect fullness of her lips that make Alex's own tingle in a way that sends adrenaline coursing through her blood. Alex doesn't know why, but she can't look away.

"Thanks for that," Maggie tells her, bringing Alex back to reality.

"I… it's nothing. He's a jerk," Alex stutters, still lost in Maggie's warm eyes, lost in the confidence in Maggie's easy smile.

"I'm Maggie, by the way. Maggie Sawyer."

"Alex Danvers."

"Well, thank you… bit uncomfortable when guys hit on you in front of everyone, huh?"

"I just ignore it," Alex replies without thinking. Maggie's grin widens as Alex's cheeks flush.

"Oh really?" Maggie asks, raising her eyebrows in genuine surprise. She jerks her thumb back in Max's direction with a light chuckle. "Not really my type, anyway."

"Me too."

The bell interrupts Maggie before she can reply.

"What do you have next?" Alex asks, leaning on the lockers next to Maggie, entranced by the way she bites her lip to hide her smile.

"Biology. You?"

"Same. In 113?"

"Yeah. Want to walk me there, Danvers?" Maggie asks with a smirk that leaves Alex breathless.

"Sure," she says, blushing furiously.

Alex gestures for Maggie to follow her up the stairs, her mind still racing.

"Did that just… what?" Lucy splutters, grounded in the same spot she's been watching Alex from for the last five minutes.

"Nice. Alex has game," Vasquez replies, laughing at Lucy's stunned expression.

"I never thought she might be… Wow." Lucy shakes her head slowly with a grin spreading across her face. She eyes Vasquez's sober expression for a moment.

"Maybe don't say anything to her. I don't think she even knows yet," they tell her softly.

"You're right."

Maggie ends up in the free seat next to Alex. Right at the front, of course: Alex Danvers has a reputation to uphold here. The lesson, of course, is on enzymes, and Alex sighs. Not because she doesn't love biology – of course she does, she's been looking at microscopes since she could walk – and certainly not because she finds enzymes boring.

No. Alex loves biology. But enzymes? Enzymes are too damn easy.

So, halfway through the lesson, Alex ends up doodling in the margins of her notebook, the inky lines taking the shape of a ribosome, neatly labelled, and Maggie almost laughs when it becomes colour coded. Within five minutes, it's surrounded by a little border of dendrites. Maggie swallows the urge to comment.

Alex can tell Maggie's watching her, of course she can, but she doesn't look up, doesn't meet her gaze, doesn't think about how her heart is pounding, how there's something about Maggie's eyes that makes her want to fall into them and be perfectly happy never to return.

Doesn't think, because she can't. Because she wants bury this, whatever it is. Because Alex? Alex wants these feelings to stop, stop, stop.

Eventually, the bell rings and Alex curses under her breath as she half falls over her stool in her haste to get away, to run, to hide.

"Alright there?" Maggie suppresses a chuckle.

"Huh? Yeah, sure."

"Good to meet you, Danvers," Maggie tells her with an easy grin.

"You too," Alex replies, returning her smile and ignoring Lucy's stare boring into her back.

"Oh, and for what it's worth, nerd is a compliment."

Maggie strolls casually out of the door like she's been there a year. The confidence in the way she pulls on her leather jacket grabbing Alex's attention and not releasing it until Maggie's long gone and Vasquez is thumping her on the shoulder with a whoop that would make James jealous.

"I have to go," she tells Lucy, her breathing a little too fast, eyes a little too wide. Lucy's grin fades almost immediately, but Alex doesn't stay long enough for her to say something, because she's out of the building and she's running.

Running, because this isn't real. Because she's supposed to be perfect, supposed to have a regular life, supposed to be normal – normal, but exceptional. Running, because she must be wrong, wrong, wrong.

Her phone buzzes. Again. Again. Again. Alex knows it's Lucy. Or Kara. Or hell, Eliza. But she switches it off, because she needs to think, or not to think. Either way, she needs to get away.

So she does.


	2. Chapter 2

Alex ends up on the roof.

It's an abandoned warehouse, nestled deep in a sprawling crowd of neglected brickwork, on the quieter side of town. In the distance, the faint glimmer of water reflects the fading sunlight of the late afternoon. Alex has climbed higher than she usually would, further than she would usually risk; there's a ledge at the highest point of the slats - sturdy and just wide enough for one person to perch on. The last rays of sunlight are scattered in crimson across the horizon, and Alex watches as the sun fades away, as the light slowly dwindles, slowly dies, her eyes empty, her eyes scared. There's a cool breeze picking up now, whistling softly through the still streets. School's been over for an hour before Alex remembers she has a jacket, shrugging it on and pulling the sleeves over her hands.

Alex feels strangely numb. Numb in a way that's not emotionless, not devoid of pain, not relieving of the panic pounding in her chest. She knows this feeling, knows it like an old friend; familiar, comfortable, and infinitely safer than the alternative, the pure terror, pure panic threatening to spill over, to drown her. She knows it because it's all she felt for days, weeks even, after the knock on the door and he's gone, he's gone, he's gone.

Once again, it's getting late – later than she intended to stay out, at least – so Alex turns her phone back on, expecting anger, expecting guilt.

But when the screen lights up, and she scrolls through the bottomless pit her inbox has become, she's surprised.

Surprised, because there's one message from Lucy: 'I'm here for you, Alex. Whatever it is', and three messages from Vasquez, which – wait, no, they're just links to Harry Potter memes – and the rest are from Kara, more emojis than words, more love, more understanding, more patience than questions, than accusations, than blame.

But most surprisingly? None are from Eliza.

"I've got you covered," says Kara's voice from behind her.

Alex flinches so hard she almost falls off the roof. Kara's on her in an instant, hovering an inch above the grey tiles, one hand still playing with the rim of her glasses.

"Rao, Kara," Alex sighs, but she can't help the weary smile at her sister's antics.

"Right. Stop flying in public," Kara agrees with a wide grin.

Alex nods slowly, her teeth pulling at the soft flesh of her bottom lip as Kara sits down beside her.

"You know… whatever's wrong, you'll be okay."

Alex stiffens, her breath catching in her throat.

"You talked to Lucy?" she breathes, trying not to panic, because this is just her little sister, this is just Kara.

"Yeah. Don't be mad at her, she was just trying to help."

Alex nods, letting Kara's hand slip into her own, giving it a squeeze that will probably leave bruises.

"You wanna talk about it?"

"I don't know. Can we go home?" Alex whispers into Kara's hair, feeling the younger girl nod.

Despite Alex's protests, Kara flies them down from the roof, hand over her mouth to stifle the giggles threatening to erupt as she watches Alex's terrified face.

"Don't even think about it. You're walking home."

They don't get halfway there, because as they walk past Noonan's Kara's favourite café, Alex's lungs forget what their job is for the third time that day. And Alex stops walking, stops mid-sentence, stops ruffling Kara's hair.

Stops, because Maggie Sawyer is standing in front of her, wearing a leather jacket and a soft smile.

"Hey, Danvers," she greets her, "and… Kid Danvers?"

"Is this your friend, Alex?" Kara wants to know, and Alex is forced to speak then, forced to blink, forced to breathe.

"Umm, yeah. Hey, Maggie," Alex says, trying to force herself to inhale, exhale.

"Mind if I borrow you for a sec?" Maggie asks, her smile remaining, but her eyes concerned. Not that that makes any sense, of course, because they just met. Because they don't know each other. Because Maggie doesn't care, right?

Alex considers her for a moment, deliberating.

"Kara, are you okay to walk home? I'll meet you there."

There must be something desperate in Alex's eyes, something excited, because Kara nods solemnly, and hurries off after kissing her cheek and waving happily to Maggie.

"Your sister's sweet," Maggie observes as Alex turns to face her.

"Yeah, she is. Can I buy you a coffee?"

"What do you think of Midvale, then?" Alex finds herself asking, finds herself wondering, over two lattes and a shared cookie broken in half.

Maggie shrugs nonchalantly.

"Beats Nebraska any day. Most places do."

"Why's that?"

Alex can tell, then, that it's painful, that there's something Maggie came here to get away from, from the way her jaw clenches slightly, the way her eyes lower. Maggie hides it so well, hides her pain, brushing it off with another shrug. But she can't hide the brief flicker of pain in her eyes, any more than Alex can when she asks about her parents, asks about Jeremiah. So Alex grips the table with more force than necessary, but with just enough force, with just enough strength, to fight the unexplainable urge she feels to hold Maggie against her and never let go.

Which is ridiculous, right? They're strangers, for God's sake.

"People there… they don't like it if you're different." The accidental emphasis on the word 'different' makes Alex's stomach flip, and she finds herself wanting to know more, to know her.

"Different how?" Alex asks cautiously, "You don't have to talk about it," she adds as an afterthought, but Maggie smiles at her in a way that makes Alex's heart leap, makes Alex's breath hitch.

"Let's just say they're not open minded, to say the least. Growing up non-white, non-straight in Blue Springs Nebraska? Hell, I might as well have been from another planet."

Alex has to remind herself to close her gaping jaw, to inhale, to do anything, because maybe she… No. Because Maggie is gay. Those three words bounce around her head, Maggie's voice repeating over and over like a mantra in Alex's head. Because this? This isn't about her. This is about Maggie.

"Earth to Danvers?"

"Sorry," Alex splutters, her cheeks tinged with pink, "I was just… I didn't know…"

A grin stretches across Maggie's face, her head tilted a little to the left, taking in Alex's stammering form.

Maggie doesn't say anything for a while, tracing the pattern of her mug with her fingers.

"We should do this again sometime," Alex suggests with a shy smile.

"Really?" Maggie asks, trying to read Alex's expression, "You and me?"

"Yeah. What's wrong with that?" Alex questions, confused by the realisation lighting Maggie's eyes.

"Nothing. I just… I think I read you wrong."

"What do you mean?"

"I didn't know you were into girls."

Time stops in that moment. The chattering in the quiet coffee shop dims, and the only thing Alex can focus on is the confusion, the panic welling in her chest. It's like that feeling of panicked serenity as the water closes over your head, and the rest of the world fades away, if only for a second.

But Alex has to resurface now, has to breathe.

"I'm not!" It comes out a little harsher than she'd intended, and Alex swallows the urge to apologise, because she's wrecking everything.

Maggie's smile fades slowly, and she glances away for a second, the sudden hardness of her eyes bordering on doubt, on guilt, on pain.

"Oh, right. My bad," Maggie tells her, as casually as possible with her heart plummeting, because this is happening again, again, again.

"I mean, no offense, Maggie."

"No, I get it, you're not gay."

"Right," Alex tells her, tells herself.

"You'd be surprised how many gay girls I'd heard that from," Maggie says, regretting her words the moment they leave her lips. Regretting them, not only because of the look on Alex's face, but also because she's known Alex all of five hours, and she's already ripping down Maggie's walls without even realising it.

"Sorry, I just thought maybe you were angling towards something there."

"I'm sorry – I wasn't I was just… I should go," Alex blurts out, standing hastily. She shoves a fistful of banknotes onto the table and finds herself staring down into Maggie's eyes.

"Danvers," Maggie pleads with a tone that Alex couldn't ignore if she tried, "look, just… just call me, okay? Here."

She scribbles her number down on a napkin, grabbing the first thing she sees, which turns out to be her eyeliner. Alex nods wordlessly, nods once, because she doesn't trust herself to speak. The napkin finds its way into Alex's tightly clenched fist, and she glances back at Maggie's face once, just once, before she's practically falling over herself to get away.

Not from Maggie, of course.

From herself.

There's a soft knock on Alex's bedroom door.

"Kara?" she asks, confused because Kara never knocks, never cares if Alex is changing, never gives it a second thought.

"It's me," Eliza says softly, and Alex's chest squeezes, because she misses that sound – Eliza's voice without disappointment, without disdain – more than she could ever admit.

"Come in, Mom."

Alex lets her thumb run over the smooth glossiness of the textbook page she's reading, her eyes closing for a second as she sighs. There's a soft click as the door closes, and Alex gestures for her mother to sit down on the bed.

"Your English teacher called."

The blood rushing in Alex's ears almost drowns out the sound of Eliza's voice, or it would, if it wasn't soft, if it wasn't calm.

"I'm sorry, I-" Alex begins to explain, but Eliza silences her by holding up a finger.

"Alex," she says quietly, "if there's something you want to talk to me about, you can."

She takes in Alex's wide eyes, her set jaw, and cups her daughter's cheek gently.

"I think that maybe… maybe there might be something," she mutters, cheeks burning as she avoids Eliza's eyes.

"Something meaning someone?"

Alex's eyes grow wider then, and she pulls away quickly.

"Pffft. No. Of course not. Look, Mom, I have work to do," Alex stammers, gesturing to the pile of homework (which, to be fair, mostly consists of work she gave herself).

"I'll leave you to it, then. I know I don't always show it in the right way, but you are my daughter and I love you," Eliza tells her, lingering in the doorway.

"I know, Mom."

Eliza watches her dcaughter's face for a long moment.

"If there ever is… someone, tell me about them."

Alex tries hard to hide the glimmer of hope, of surprise in her eyes. Because Alex doesn't feel uncomfortable for the first time talking about romance, doesn't feel like she's wrong, doesn't feel like it doesn't quite fit, because them, them, them

"Right."

It's almost midnight by the time Alex can bring herself to text Maggie.

She's typed and retyped the number into her phone exactly seventeen times, focusing on each digit so that she's memorised the whole thing without meaning to. Even then, she's changed the wording of her text at least a dozen times, deliberating whether she should say 'hey', or if people still freaking said that these days, not that Alex would know, not that meets many new people.

Not ones that she cares about, anyway.

And Alex Danvers can pronounce 'pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis' with ease, Alex Danvers can get an A on a post-grad biochemistry paper at sixteen, Alex Danvers is the only student the chemistry lab tech trusts to handle five molar hydrogen peroxide, dammit, but texting Maggie?

It's damn near impossible.

Eventually, she ends up just with 'Sawyer.', sending it before she can second guess the punctuation. She squeaks as it sends with a whooshing sound, launching her phone halfway across the room. It lands on her bed, and Alex fights the desire to go and get it, to stare at the screen, waiting for a response.

So, when it buzzes ten seconds later with a message, Alex almost has a heart attack, and she can beat every kid in her year at sparring in the gym, but walking two meters across a flat surface? Again, impossible.

 **Danvers. You're up late.**

Alex can't help the grin spreading across her face, because she reads it in Maggie's voice.

It buzzes a second later with an addition.

 **You okay?**

Her thumbs hover diligently over the keyboard, wondering how to respond.

Yeah. Sorry about earlier.

She leaves it at that, expecting Maggie to stop replying.

 **Don't worry about it, Danvers. Thought I'd scared you off.**

I didn't mean to overreact like that. It's been a weird day.

 **I know the feeling. It's cool. You're not gay, I get it.**

There's that feeling again, the hot flush of blood in Alex's cheeks. She realizes that her hands are shaking when it takes three tries to type in her passcode.

About that… can I meet you somewhere before school?

 **Sure. Everything okay, Danvers?**

Something like that.

It's a few minutes before Maggie responds, and Alex wonders if she's overstepped, if Maggie thinks she's weird for talking to her like this. They've only known each other since this morning, after all.

 **Noonan's at 8. Don't be late. ;)**

Wouldn't dream of it.

Alex sends the last text with baited breath, with her teeth sinking into her lip, because the emoji at the end of Maggie's last text makes her feel more than she did when Max tried to kiss her in tenth grade.

Maggie makes her feel more.

Well. Crap.


	3. Chapter 3

Before she goes to sleep, Alex sets six alarms on her phone, just in case. As she plugs in her charger, she hears a quiet chuckle from Kara's room.

"Kara Danvers, I told you about using your X-Ray vision to spy on me."

Kara ignores her, of course, and eventually, Alex falls asleep.

Eliza watches her eldest daughter over breakfast. Even Kara is quieter than usual; today, her inescapable outbursts of excitement are about Alex, about Alex's friends, about Maggie, rather than an equal combination of Lena Luthor and pizza, like they usually are. And by the time Alex has to leave, by the time Kara's outbursts of "Eliza! Did Alex tell you about her new friend?" and "She's so pretty, isn't she, Alex? And so nice!" are over, Eliza is smiling in a way Alex hasn't seen her smile for months.

And Alex? Alex is a nervous wreck.

In fact, she's pretty sure that if she had Kara's strength, the door handle would have been crushed into dust by now.

She chokes out a goodbye to Eliza and Kara, and heads downtown.

"Danvers. Hey."

They sit in one of the booths in the corner of the restaurant. The lighting is dim at best, casting twisted shadows around the room, and illuminating their faces with a soft, yellow glow. Alex finds herself drawn to Maggie as they talk. She can't tear he eyes away from Maggie's dimples as she smiles, from the endearing way she tilts her head to the side when she's happy, from the soft fullness of her lips.

The conversation starts with school, and Alex learns about Maggie's deep love for science, their shared adoration for languages, her deep loathing of sports – not exercise, Alex notes, that's important: just games involving balls – and just as importantly, Alex learns about Maggie's schedule.

And it's a damn good thing her memory is exceptional.

It turns out they have Bio, Chem, Physics and English Lit together most days, and Alex's stomach flips when Maggie compliments her subject choices, when Maggie's eyes soften when they talk about Kara, about family.

Alex picks up pretty quickly in their half hour discussion, and during the walk to school that Maggie doesn't like to talk about herself, but she asks about Alex, asks about her life, because apparently, she wants to know her.

So Alex does the same.

And she finds out that Maggie lives with her Aunt, in a tiny apartment just around the corner from school. But she doesn't push, she doesn't ask why – or why she moved here, either – because when the conversation starts heading that way, the haunted look in Maggie's eyes returns.

And in that moment, the yearning, the compulsion Alex has to protect Maggie, to do anything for the girl in front of her intensifies to the point where she has to grip the handle of her rucksack to suppress the urge to hug her.

Alex and Maggie spend most mornings together before school for the following weeks, sharing stories of growing up in different places, stories of friends, stories of family. Both enjoying the spark of a fast friendship, of the bond they're forming, of the passions they share. And the more Alex gets to know her, the more time she wants to spend together, listening to Maggie speak, seeing her smile, watching the way she runs a hand through her hair as she works.

In Maggie's third week at Midvale High, Alex learns about a girl – Maggie's ex. Or almost ex, from what Alex can tell. Maggie doesn't tell her how it ended, or even her name, but Alex gathers that it was recent, and that Maggie definitely doesn't want to talk about it. Her skin prickles slightly at the thought of her, whoever she is, but Alex pushes it down, pushes it away.

Most of their conversations are harmless. Innocent, even. They find a bar that won't sell them alcohol, but has a damn good pool table that they've visited three times when Maggie's second week at Midvale High ends. As it turns out, Maggie is terrible at pool. Like, really terrible. It gets to the point one evening where Alex refuses to take her money any longer.

Maggie quickly becomes part of their group, part of their family. The Danvers sisters have always made a habit of taking in strays, and Maggie is no exception. They spend Friday nights at the beach, and Maggie joins them for the first time the week after she arrives.

Or, she was meant to.

"Alex."

They're sitting on a wall by the beach after school, watching the tide come in. Kara and Lena are sharing an order of potstickers (no one's entirely sure where they came from), Winn and James are working on the latest project for computer science. Lucy and Vasquez are sitting at the table next to them, copying each other's physics homework.

Or so Alex thought they were.

"Alex."

"Alex!"

There's still no response, so Lucy claps her hands in front of her friend's face, laughing when Alex almost falls off the wall.

"And… she's back!" Winn observes with a grin, his body shrinking away from Alex.

"Remember the last time you crossed me, Winn? When you tried to kiss my little sister? Remember what I did to you with that camera you're holding?"

Winn nods slowly, sharing a terrified look with James. Alex ignores Vasquez chuckling from where they're sitting with Lucy on the sand, because Alex could easily beat every kid in their year, but Vasquez? Vasquez has been boxing since they were five. Not a chance.

"You done staring longingly at your phone yet? We both know she'll turn up," Lucy teases with a smirk.

"Shut up. I was not… Lucy. Camera. Ribs," Alex threatens, before blushing and lowering her eyes as Maggie approaches them.

"Who's ribs are we are we damaging?" Maggie quirks with a grin. "Hey, guys."

"Lucy's. Winn's. Whoever annoys me. Hey, Maggie," Alex smiles as Maggie sits down next to her.

"Remind me not to get on your bad side, Danvers."

"Impossible," Lucy mutters.

"What was that?" Alex demands, raising her eyebrows.

"Nothing, Alex."

Maggie seems to settle in quickly, falling into place within their group as if she'd been there for years.

But one day, something changes, something shifts.

Or maybe nothing changes. Not really. Maybe it's that Alex decided to stop pretending, to stop pushing down her feelings.

And maybe Maggie wants to let her.

Either way, something's different when Alex doesn't turn up for school one day.

And Alex always turns up.

"Where is she?" Maggie needs to know, her tone urgent, her eyes hard. Because she may not know Alex more than a few short weeks, but she's quickly becoming the most important part of her life.

"If you're talking about Alex," Lucy says gently, "she's not here today."

"Yeah, I'd gathered," Maggie looks around and notices Kara approaching them. Her hair is loose, hiding some of her face, and when she sees Maggie, she knows, because the permanent glint of joy in Kara's eyes is gone. It's just gone.

"She's probably on the roof," Kara mutters in Maggie's direction. "One of the old warehouses."

"Thanks, Little Danvers. I owe you one."

Kara glances nervously at Maggie's face. Normally Kara would giggle, because she's nearly three years younger but has two inches on Maggie with no shoes on.

"You okay?" Maggie asks her.

Kara ignores her question, mumbling something about a history class she has to get to. Maggie doesn't have the heart to tell her that it's only the start of break.

"Hey, Sawyer. She might not wanna talk. Told me to leave her alone last time I tried," Lucy says with a sigh, looking Maggie up and down, searching for an ulterior motive, a way she's trying to use Alex like so many other people have.

"You look after her."

"I promise."

Apparently, she doesn't find what she's looking for, and relief flickers over Lucy's features when the only emotion she can see, written plainly on Maggie's face, is concern. Lucy nods once, and leaves Maggie to think.

So when the bell rings, pulling her from her thoughts, Maggie's eyes clear in understanding, because from Kara's shared pain, from Lucy's insight, from Alex's avoidance of the subject of her father, anyone else would've missed it.

But Maggie? Maggie wants to be a detective. So she detects.

Sure enough, Maggie finds her, sitting on the edge of the tiles, legs swinging in empty air, watching the world go by from a distance. Maggie climbs halfway up, standing on a windowsill so she can see the back of Alex's head.

"Alex?"

It's the first time Maggie's addressed her by her first name, and Alex almost turns around – almost – but she doesn't want Maggie to see her like this, to see her broken, to see her afraid. But Maggie made a promise, dammit, and she's not one to break her word. She never was.

"Alex, are you physically hurt?" Maggie asks, and Alex almost breaks, because her voice is so soft, so gentle, so unassuming. And Alex almost breaks, because her question isn't stupid, isn't 'Are you okay?', it's simple, it's understanding, it's perfect.

"No."

"Do you want me to leave?"

No. I'm alone. I need you.

Yes. You don't need to see this. I should be strong. I should be brave. I should be better.

No. He's gone, gone gone.

Yes. You deserve more. More than this.

Alex shakes her head slightly, and it's barely noticeable as the wind tugs at her hair.

"Can you come down here so we can go somewhere warm?" Maggie says softly.

Alex slides down from the ledge with ease, agility that usually Maggie would comment no, but today? Today is anything but ordinary.

"Alex, can I hug you?"

She looks so broken, her eyes tortured, full of agony, full of pain, and Maggie fights back her own tears, because Alex's lip is trembling, swollen from being bitten. The pale skin of her cheeks is tinged with red, marred by tears and smudged mascara.

"Maggie," is all Alex can choke, collapsing into the other girl, her chest heaving with pain, her body trembling with sobs.

"Oh, sweetie," Maggie whispers into her hair, wrapping her arms around Alex.

"S-sorry," Alex mumbles, trying to rub away the tears with her fist.

"Hey, you have nothing to apologise for. He was your Dad."

Maggie's fingers trail down Alex's arms as she pulls away, and Alex tries not to shudder at the touch.

"You're freezing. Here," Maggie slips out of her jacket – which, fortunately, is far too big for her – and slips it over Alex's shoulders.

"Let's get out of here, Danvers."

Their fingers brush again, and Maggie swallows her doubt, slipping her hand into Alex's, letting their fingers intertwine.

Before Alex has the chance to panic, because she's holding Maggie Sawyer's hand, dammit, she's sitting in Maggie's apartment, holding a cup of hot chocolate with one hand, and Maggie's hand with the other.

"Feeling better?" Maggie asks, her thumb tracing patterns on Alex's skin.

"Yeah. How did you find me?"

"Lucy. Kara, too."

Alex nods, letting out a deep breath.

"You didn't have to do that. Skip school."

"Yeah, I did. Look, I don't meet many people that I care about. But I care about you, a lot. And I... I don't want to imagine my life without you in it."

"Yeah?" Alex whispers, the ghost of a smile playing on her lips.

"Yeah."


	4. Chapter 4

It's Friday night, and Maggie has somehow convinced Alex to play pool with her, despite the fact that Maggie has only ever won one game, and that was only because Kara distracted Alex with a Lena-related emergency.

Maggie's leaning over the table, lining up the perfect shot for her last solid. Or, it would've been a perfect shot, if she hadn't just knocked Alex's last stripe into the pocket along with it. She curses under her breath, standing up straight. Alex brought her chemistry notebook along, and she's scribbling equations in its margins that would probably be too complex for a college student – or, she was, at least.

Now, Alex has to mentally slap herself, groaning internally, because she's just realising that she'd been staring the tensed muscle of Maggie's bicep the whole time, and now she has to tear her eyes away, now she has to pretend.

But damn, Maggie does have amazing biceps. Alex briefly wonders if she works out.

"Your shot, Danvers."

Alex nods, dropping her notebook on the table.

"Nerd," Maggie teases, smirking.

Alex rolls her eyes, and there's a soft tap as her pool cue hits the eight ball, sinking it into a corner pocket with ease. Alex flashes her a grin, enjoying Maggie's exaggerated sigh as she throws her arms in the air in mock despair. Maggie makes herself look down at the glass in her hand as Alex bends over the table to pick up the white ball.

"Don't I get a chance to win my money back?"

"At the rate you play? We'd be here for hours. That girl you're crushing on in physics would have to file a missing person's report."

"Not likely. She's not interested."

"What? How do you know?"

Maggie shrugs, abandoning the pool cue to sit down opposite Alex.

"Apparently she prefers macho guys. She's dating Mike."

"Mike? Over you? Who would do that?" Alex wonders aloud, genuine surprise in her voice.

"Her. Convincingly. It's not a big deal."

"Well, her loss. Seriously though, are you okay?"

"Uh, yeah. Can we talk about something else?"

"Of course. Forget Emily. You deserve better – and there are other girls."

Maggie sighs, watching Alex's face for a long moment.

"Yeah, there are," Maggie agrees with an honest sincerity that makes Alex's stomach flutter, and she finds herself getting lost in the deep brown of Maggie's eyes.

"So, new topic," Maggie suggests, bringing Alex back to reality. "We're always talking about my love life. What about yours?"

Maggie grins at her, head tilted to the side as Alex pffts, as she looks away, as she tries to stop her heart from trying to break out of her damn chest.

"I don't… there's nothing," she eventually manages, half choking on her own breath.

"Really, Danvers? I heard something about you and Max."

"Max… as in Max Lord? I'm offended, Sawyer."

"Not your type, huh?" Maggie allows, still holding Alex's panicked gaze.

"Not exactly," Alex admits, Maggie's the caring warmth of Maggie's eyes making it impossible to lie."

"Oh?"

"We're not discussing this," Alex says with a chuckle.

"So there is someone."

Maggie's voice is teasing, as casual as she can make it, but when Alex's gaze returns to her face, there's a flicker of something that looks like hurt. It passes as quickly as it came, and Alex wonders if she imagined it.

Of course I imagined it, Alex decides.

"I never said that," she says with a gentle smile, part of her hoping that Maggie will see, but she's surprising herself by saying that aloud, surprised herself by even hinting at something.

No. There's nothing to see. Why would there be?

"Anyone I have to give my infamous shovel talk to?"

Why would there be?

And it's like a light bulb goes off in Alex's brain.

But it's not sudden. It's not unexpected – in fact, it feels like something part of her has known all along. It's like the light bulb has a dimmer that's being turned up, shedding light on Alex's realisation, on Alex.

Because her thoughts are contradicting themselves, and Maggie is smiling at her, really smiling, and Alex realises, Alex knows, and Alex can't stop thinking that maybe, just maybe, Maggie was right.

Right.

About her. About everything.

From the very beginning.

"You okay?" Maggie's voice breaks through the many layers of distraction clouding Alex's thoughts. She's gripping her glass harder than necessary, and Maggie's eyes dart towards Alex's knuckles, white from the strength of her grip.

"I'm sorry, Maggie - I have to – I'll see you later."

Alex doesn't wait for a response, trying not to look at the disappointed expression on Maggie's face before she slides out of the booth grabbing her notes and walking out of the door. She doesn't exhale until she's outside, her body crumpling against the wall.

Crap.

Alex's fingers hover over the keyboard of her laptop, eyes fixed on the blinking cursor.

Lesbian.

She types the word slowly, carefully, biting her lip before pressing search.

As it loads, Alex glances nervously around her room, making sure the door is closed. Kara isn't here, of course – her X-Ray vision and general nosiness would be too risky at this point. She looks back at the screen, skim reading the results.

'A homosexual woman.'

Alex almost laughs at that. Just when she though the internet couldn't get any less helpful.

She scrolls down, hesitantly, not expecting much from her research.

'Am I a Lesbian – Free Quiz'

Yeah, right. Based on psychology, my ass.

Quiz, quiz, LGBT rights article, Lesbian TV Death Syndrome, lesbian po-

Alex slams the laptop shut, inhaling sharply.

Research inconclusive, she decides.

Inconclusive… yet there's something Alex can't ignore about Maggie's smile, and the way she makes her stomach flutter, the way she makes her blush.

And maybe Alex isn't sure, maybe she's still questioning, but if there's one thing she does know? It's that one glance from Maggie makes her heart pound in a way she's never felt with anyone. Especially the boys Kara talks about. Especially… especially boys.

Before she can overthink her decision, Alex is slipping into a hoodie, tugging the hair band out of her hair and running her fingers through it, hoping it doesn't show too much like she's having an identity crisis. She slips her phone into her back pocket, shooting off a text to Maggie.

Can I come over? There's something I wanna talk about.

The key is already turning in the lock by the time Maggie replies.

 **Sure, Danvers. Meet me in the park by the beach?**

Maybe a public place would take the pressure off? Not that anyone will be there at this time.

On my way. I'll bring coffee.

Alex stops at Noonan's, picking up Maggie's go-to order, and an espresso for herself – she needs something to take the edge off, and for the thousandth time, Alex curses the stupid American laws on buying alcohol. Anywhere else and she'd only have to wait a year and a half.

Her jaw literally drops when she sees Maggie. She's sitting alone on one of the old swings, watching the sunset with wonder in her eyes. The warm orange light shines on Maggie's face, and Alex knows Maggie is pretty, knows she's attractive, but now?

Now, when no one else is watching, when she thinks she's alone, Maggie Sawyer is unequivocally breathtaking. Not just physically, of course. Alex is coming to accept that she's falling for her. For all of her.

It's undeniable. Maggie is the most beautiful person Alex has ever known.

"Sawyer," she murmurs, reluctant to disturb the peaceful atmosphere.

"Danvers. Something up?"

Her dimples are in full show, now, and Alex has to tell herself to breathe, wordlessly handing her the takeaway cup.

"Yeah." She sits down on the adjacent swing, exhaling slowly. She lets herself look at Maggie's eyes once as she burns her tongue on the coffee.

Once, because this could ruin everything. But the chance, the blinding glimmer of hope that it won't is too good to ignore.

And Alex can't ignore this anymore.

"I'm here. You can tell me anything."

Now or never. Now or never.

But the idea of never is unthinkable. Here goes, Alex thinks.

"Do you remember the first day we met? At Noonan's?"

"How could I forget? Maggie says softly, suddenly aware of the trembling in Alex's voice.

Alex gulps audibly, clenching her hands into fists.

"Go on," Maggie urges, her eyes warm.

"You know, my whole life has been about being perfect. My mother… she's always expected me to be exceptional. Getting perfect grades, being the perfect daughter, and now, being the perfect sister to Kara. And – I mean – I tried to live up to that – I really tried - but the one part of my life that I could never make perfect… was being like all the other girls my age. They'd talk about their boyfriends, and I'd just feel… I don't know, weird? Uncomfortable? I just… I never really got it. I thought maybe that wasn't for me, maybe it just wasn't the way I was built, for, you know, dating… crushes."

Alex blushes, hiding her face in her hands, fighting her instinct to run.

"You're alright, Danvers. I'm listening."

"The – uh – the thing is… I just… I never thought that it could be because of the other… that," she laughs at herself then, completely unable to label what she's feeling, completely helpless. "I mean, I don't – I don't know, but now I can't stop thinking about it."

"About what?"

The question is so short, so outwardly unimportant, but its power is earth shattering.

"That maybe… maybe there's some truth to what you said," Alex speaks slowly, trying to slow the frantic pounding of her heart.

"About?"

"What you said, about me. That day at Noonan's."

Alex finally looks at her, knowing that there's no coming back from this.

"Wow," Maggie finally says, meeting Alex's widened eyes.

"Yeah, that… that's what I thought. Look, I should go. I'm sorry."

"Hey, wait," Maggie's hand finds her arm, stopping her from leaving. Alex relaxes into the touch. "What are you sorry for?"

"For dropping a bomb on you. I didn't mean to freak you out with something like that."

"I'm not freaked out. You're okay, Alex."

"Thank you. For listening."

"Here all week," Maggie chuckles.

"So what do I do now? I mean, I feel like a little kid again. Aren't I supposed to have figured this out earlier?"

"No, Danvers. You're perfect." Maggie swallows, turning her head away before she can do something stupid, like kiss her. "I can only tell you what most people do."

Alex's eyebrows furrow at her wording, but she doesn't push, because Maggie's clearly not talking about herself on purpose.

"Which is?"

"Come out to your family."

Alex stiffens, pressing her palm into her thigh. Maggie must notice, because she places her hand over Alex's. squeezing it lightly. The gesture is nice – amazing, even - but it only makes Alex less able to breathe steadily, makes her panic more. Because Eliza, Eliza, Eliza.

"What if – maybe it's just a phase, you know? Maybe it isn't real," Alex backtracks, trying to force her lungs to fill with air as Maggie gently cups her cheek.

Alex briefly considers never touching her cheek again, wanting Maggie's touch to stay, forever. But it's over sooner than it starts, and Alex exhales, as slowly as she can.

Listening to Alex's attempt at recanting, Maggie feels anger welling in her chest.

Anger, because she was fed the same heteronormative lies since she could hear. That one day, she'd find a nice man, and she'd have a boyfriendand be happy.

Anger, because both of them were expected, from they time they could talk, to be straight, to be normal, and if they liked anyone else, if the toxic stereotypes shoved down their throats didn't fit them like they fit everyone else? They were the problem. They were the issue.

And as Maggie watches the conflicted emotions flit across Alex's face, and her heart clenches, because she knows this feeling better than she knows herself. She knows the doubt, the pain, the overwhelming terror that you might be wrong, that you might have made the whole thing up. But what she also knows, is that she certainly wasn't wrong, and that Alex is prone to self-doubt, to unnecessary guilt, to blaming herself for anything and everything.

And there's no way in hell she's about to let Alex destroy herself - not like she did. Not like her parents did.

"No. It's real. You're real. You deserve to have a real, full, happy life, okay?" Maggie's thumb brushes her face, inching dangerously close to her bottom lip. "Tell your family. Or hell, tell Lucy. This is one of the biggest things that's ever happened to you, and you shouldn't have to do it alone."

Alex nods, relaxing slightly as Maggie pulls away.

"I have you."

There's a hint of a question to her tone, an insecure lilt to her voice.

"Yeah, you do," Maggie tells her, firmly, because she wants – no, she needs – this to be different for Alex. She needs it to be better than what she got. So Maggie tells her every word she wishes she'd been told, gives her every reassurance she wishes she'd had, every goddamn thing that Alex Danvers deserves.

Because Alex deserves the damn world.

"Thank you, Maggie," Alex murmurs, smiling, "You mean a lot to me. And for the record? I can't even begin to imagine my life… without you in it."

If Maggie's eyes were soft before, they're like magma now. Infinitely powerful, but with an unmistakable warmth that draws Alex in with every second.

"I should get you home. Can't have Eliza meeting me for the first time after you sneaked out after dark."

Alex mirrors her grin, wanting this moment to last forever.

"Walk with me?" Alex asks, holding her hand out.

"Always, Alex."

Maggie slips her hand into Alex's, and lets her lead her across the grass. Maybe she saw something in Alex's eyes. Something like want. Something like need. But Alex is just coming out to herself, just beginning to accept what normal really means, for her. And sure, it's getting near impossible to pretend, but Maggie isn't going to take advantage of her, isn't going to put her own desire before Alex's wellbeing. She couldn't.

So she shoves down the flicker of hope, and holds Alex's hand, because it's what she needs.

And it might be painful, it might be tearing a hole in her chest with every passing second, but for Alex?

For Alex, she'd do anything.


	5. Chapter 5

"Everyone get their homework out."

Alex starts, jerking her head upwards from where it's resting on the pleasantly cool surface of her desk, counteracting the throbbing of too little caffeine and less sleep.

"Don't give yourself whiplash there, Danvers," Maggie remarks, watching half in amusement, and half with something that anyone else would recognise as adoration, as Alex's eyes widen.

"Maggie! I forgot to do the homework!" Alex's flustered expression is too much for Maggie, and she bursts out laughing, ignoring Vasquez's knowing grin as they watch, muttering something to Lucy. Maggie just catches the words 'practically married' before they're silenced with a glare from Maggie that, if she were Kara, would've left holes in the side of Vasquez's skull.

"Relax, Danvers. I figured you might forget after last night, so I did two copies."

"You did the homework for me?" Alex echoes in disbelief.

"Yep. I tried to copy your handwriting. It turned out pretty well, if I say so myself," she adds with a proud smirk, handing Alex the worksheet. "I used fancy psychology words and everything."

"You are my favourite," Alex says in relied, her shoulders relaxing slightly.

Alex hugs her tightly, almost pulling her off her stool.

"Don't get too used to it, Danvers. I'm not being friends with some unambitious slacker who copies other people's homework."

If it were anyone else, they'd regret that joke, but Alex simply rolls her eyes with a light chuckle. Maggie's eyes linger just a little too long after Alex's gaze flits away, and

Lucy clears her throat loudly, nudging her side.

Alex blushes scarlet, accidentally catches the teacher's eye in an attempt to avoid Lucy's.

"Crap," she mutters into her hands, because now is _so_ not the time for this.

"Everything alright over there, Miss Danvers?"

"Yes, sir. I've got the – uh – the homework. That… that I did,' Alex stutters.

Maggie has to bite into her cheek to keep from laughing as Mr J'onzz continues his presentation and by the time Lucy's done smirking, her mouth is beginning to taste like blood.

After psychology, Alex manages to drag Maggie successfully to their next class: PE. Alex doesn't love it, unlike most of the kids in their school, but then again, she doesn't mind it. Maggie, on the other hand, hates all kinds of sport with a passion, and complains the whole way to the changing rooms.

In fact, she's still complaining while she unbuttons her shirt, and Alex has to go and change alone in one of the bathroom stalls before she hyperventilates. She's pretty sure she sees Maggie grinning at her before she closes the door.

But as it turns out, today is a self-defence class.

But Maggie wants to be a police officer, and with her trademark grin, it's " _Of course I could take you down, Danvers"_. And Alex? Alex didn't grow up feeling this responsible, feeling this much pressure without making sure she had a way to release it: beating her heavy bag with flawless uppercuts until her wrists throb from being wrapped for so long.

But _God_ , do they make a good team.

Not that either of them knows it, of course.

"Alex, you're with Maggie Sawyer," the teacher tells her as she walks past, having demonstrated how to defend a punch already.

"Do your worst," Alex tells her, because Maggie is adorable, and Maggie is _tiny_ , and maybe just maybe, there was a hint of flirtation to her tone, a hint of that easy confidence that Maggie always seems to have.

Alex chokes on her own laughter, though, because - while she's still praying Lucy didn't catch on, that Maggie doesn't realise that she may have _accidentally_ flirted with her, because how do these things work anyway - Maggie has her flat on her back within a second.

"What the f-?"

"Don't underestimate me, Danvers," Maggie replies coolly, flexing those damn biceps again, and Alex has to fight to keep the blush creeping across her cheeks to a minimum.

Lucy whoops from the corner of the room. Apparently, they've gained the attention of most of the class. There's a heavy tension lingering in the air, something unexplored, something inevitable.

"Likewise, Sawyer."

Alex is back on her feet without her hands touching the ground, and Maggie is still trying to pick her jaw up off the freaking ground when Alex hooks one of her legs around Maggie's ankle, making her lose her balance and trip. Before she can fall, Alex puts her arm out, letting Maggie fall into them.

And Maggie swears the only sound in the room is her heart on its mission to burst from her chest.

Their faces are mere centimetres away from each other, and Alex has to straighten up, has to pull away, because if she's not careful, she's going to end up kissing her.

But _God,_ she wants to, even if Alex deserves more, deserves better. Even if she deserves the damn world… which she does.

And Alex is still trying not to think about kissing Maggie when she finds herself on the floor.

"Nice work, Danvers," Maggie teases her at lunch, while Lucy recounts the story to Kara, exaggerating most of it.

"You beat _Alex?_ " Kara echoes, astonishment clouding her eyes.

"That so hard to believe, Little Danvers?"

"But you - she… _no one_ can beat Alex!"

The blonde looks up at Maggie with wide eyes and a grin forming on her face.

"Apparently Maggie can," Alex admits, biting her lip.

Lucy snorts, earning a death glare from Maggie, who hastily changes the subject, because she knows Alex wants to tell Lucy, knows she needs to talk, but not like this.

Not when it's about her.

Alex glances at her watch a few times, her palm pushing into her thigh, hard. Lucy eyes her suspiciously as Alex turns an apple over and over in her hands, staring at it intently. A few minutes pass where no one else seems to realise that Alex is sitting in silence, jaw clenched as she stares at her English Literature notes that Maggie knows she isn't reading.

"You gonna eat that?"

"What? I was just…"

"Relax, Alex. I'm just messing with you," Lucy says, raising an eyebrow.

"Sorry. I'm a little… jumpy."

Alex doesn't once look up from her hands, and Kara is watching the fast movements of Alex's shoulders as she exhales with a worried expression.

"You think?"

"Lucy," Maggie warns through gritted teeth, her hand gravitating to Alex's shoulder. Alex flinches at the touch, trying to slow the panic welling in her chest. Maggie's sitting close enough that she can hear the shallowness of every breath, and she can feel the slight tremble of her body.

"I need something from my locker. Walk with me?" Maggie suggests, the steadiness of her tone and the comfort of her hand resting on Alex's shoulder grounding her, keeping her tied to the Earth better than gravity is doing right now. Alex nods quickly, apprehensive of her voice above a whisper. Her heart is pounding, the inebriating rush of adrenaline making her head spin.

They find an empty classroom, and Maggie pushes her firmly into a chair, closing the blind on the window.

"I'm okay," Alex breathes, squeezing her eyes shut, trying to wrestle back control as she sucks down air.

Maggie doesn't comment, doesn't push, because the last thing Alex needs right now is to be interrogated.

After a while, her breathing slows, and she leans into Maggie, forcing herself to take deep breaths.

"I don't even know why I…" Alex mutters, clearly embarrassed, "I have _nothing_ to panic about. Kara would be fine with it – hell, she probably wouldn't care."

Maggie puts an arm round her, letting Alex's head rest on her shoulder.

"Hey, Alex, there doesn't have to be a specific reason for you to panic. It's okay."

Alex nods slightly, sighing.

"This is a huge thing, okay? You're figuring out who you are, what works for you. And you're not alone. I'm here to help you, whatever you need."

"I know, I know. It's just… people have it so much worse than me."

Maggie tries and fails not to flinch at that, swallowing the prominent lump in her throat as she chokes back her own pain, still raw and fresh at the forefront of her mind. Alex glances at Maggie, realising her gaze is now fixed on the floor, teeth sinking into the soft swell of her lip.

"That doesn't make your feelings any less valid, Alex. Look, you can tell me anything. Okay?"

Alex nods, letting Maggie pull her into a hug.

"Maggie… I know it's not my business, and you don't have to tell me if you don't want to – but I just… what happened? Before you moved here?"

Alex feels Maggie's body tense, and she pulls back to look at her, already apologising, already blaming herself for Maggie's pain.

"I'm sorry, I overstepped, I shouldn't have-"

"No, it's okay. I just don't think now is a good time for that conversation. Not while you're dealing with… with all _this_. I want to tell you. Just not… not now."

Alex swallows the urge to apologise again.

"Okay. Thank you, Maggie."

Alex runs a hand through her hair for the hundredth time, hoping Kara won't notice the fact that she's probably bordering on tachycardia right now.

"Alex? Come in," Kara calls from inside her bedroom.

The door squeaks slightly as Alex pushes it open, holding her breath in an effort not to start hyperventilating again.

"Can I talk to you?" Alex chokes, cursing herself internally when Kara's crinkle appears.

"Yeah! Is something wrong? You were acting weird at school."

"No. Nothing's… nothing's wrong."

"Alex, your heartbeat is through the roof."

"Pfft," Alex flashes her something resembling a grin, sitting down on Kara's bed. "Look, there's something I wanted to talk to you about. Something… about me."

"Whatever it is, you can tell me."

Her little sister speaks with so much sincerity, so much love, Alex smiles, despite herself; Kara sounds so mature sometimes, and it's weird to think about how much she's changed since she crashed into their lives two years ago. Most of the time, her little sister is comparable to an 'excited puppy', as Lucy puts it, but at times like now, she sounds so much older than she is.

Maybe it's an alien thing.

"It's… it's kind of about," Alex pauses, fiddling with Kara's pillowcase, "Maggie."

"Really?"

"Yeah, you know we, uh, we started hanging out a lot after school. And I started… I started… um, thinking," a pause, "Thinking about her."

"Thinking?"

"I mean," Alex clears her throat awkwardly, "I started to develop feelings, for her."

"Feelings?"

"Yeah... like… like romantic feelings." Alex is blushing so much now she's genuinely worried about bursting a blood vessel in her cheeks.

"Right," Kara says seriously, sitting down next to Alex.

"Maggie thought that I should tell you that I'm… that I… uh, so I did," she glances at Kara, unsure of what to expect, "I just… I just… did."

"So… Maggie's gay?"

"Yeah," Alex replies as casually as possible, swallowing audibly.

"So you're saying you're gay too?"

Alex finds herself searching for a hint of disappointment in Kara's eyes. When all she finds after a long moment is curiosity, she finally lets herself exhale.

"I think so. Look, I'm just trying to make sense of it all. It's… it's _so_ complicated."

Kara nods, taking Alex's hand. Alex almost laughs, because there are only two people in the world who she'll allow to do that.

"That's cool."

Alex chokes on her own breath.

"It's cool? Really?"

"I love you just the same, Alex. You're my sister. I know people think it's a problem, here on Earth, but I never got that."

"Things were different? On Krypton?"

"A lot of things were different," Kara says softly. "But then again, we did have arranged marriages and weapons of mass destruction, too," she adds as an afterthought.

"I guess so," Alex chuckles tearfully, kissing Kara's forehead.

"Look, I gotta run. Thank you, for being amazing."

"Always am," Kara quips with a grin, which Alex returns immediately.

"Damn right you are."

The door clicks shut behind her, and Alex lets herself breathe, lets herself relax.

Alex is just unpacking her psych notebook to get started on the homework when her phone rings. The screen flashes with Lucy's name, and Alex's stomach flutters, because for a second, she'd almost hoped it was Maggie.

"Lane?"

"Vasquezaskedmeout."

"What language was that? Speak _slowly_ , Lucy."

"Shut up. Vasquez asked me out!"

"Wait, what? When? Tell me everything," Alex exclaims with a grin, spinning a pen om her fingers.

"Is Eliza there?"

"No, she's working late. Why?"

"I'm on my way."

"Oka-" Lucy ends the call before Alex can finish speaking.

"Kara," Alex calls as she walks past her bedroom, "Lucy's coming over."

She has to dodge out of the way as the door opens suddenly. Kara is hovering in front of her, holding her phone with a pleading look on her face that reminds Alex of a sad puppy.

"Can I invite Lena, too? She never comes round here and I want to show her my Star Wars poster."

"As someone who's literally travelled through space, how do you not find that ridiculous?"

"Just because I know more about astrophysics than you doesn't mean you have to make fun of-"

"Fine! Lena can come over," Alex gives in, hearing the doorbell ring. "But you have to stop hovering."

"Oh, right!"


	6. Chapter 6

The school day goes by in a blur of chemistry quizzes and Kara's friends stealing each other's food. It's getting warmer by the day, and Maggie, unused to the blistering heat of Midvale in the Summer, feels one step removed from everyone else as she tries to focus on anything but falling for her best friend.

Vasquez and Lucy are mysteriously absent at lunch, and Maggie notices that Alex seems a lot more comfortable today, joking with Lucy during English and giving Kara more of her lunch than she usually would.

It's not until third period and Maggie's writing the date in her notebook for the third time that morning that she realises it's her Dad's birthday. The last day of May. Maggie's hand clenches around the pen, and she shoves the thought down hard enough that she manages to distract herself by thinking about the organic chemistry she's meant to be learning.

When her shift ends, the streetlights have already flickered on and the café vacated ahead of schedule, leaving Maggie alone behind the counter, the windows at the front of the shop doing nothing to aid her vision as she squints down at the change in the register. With a sigh, Maggie wrings out the cloth in her hand, her eyebrows pulling together in irritation as she scrubs as the coffee stain soaking into her jeans. It's a small hazard of working in a coffee shop, but it doesn't make it any less annoying when she comes home with the scent of coffee still clinging to her hair, even after washing it twice.

The chiming sound of the bell above the door pulls Maggie's gaze towards it, and she's about to apologise for not flipping the closed sign over sooner, before she realises who it is.

"Lucy?"

"Oh look, she remembers," Lucy retorts dryly, shoving her hand deep into her pocket to retrieve her phone.

"What's wrong?" Maggie asks in confusion, laughing as Lucy rolls her eyes the same way she does at Alex.

"Well, Alex and I talked, and from how much she mentioned you, I think it's safe to assume that you knew. About her."

If it wasn't for the easy grin on Lucy's face, she would've taken that as an accusation. Maggie returns her smile as Lucy hops up to sit on the counter.

"What did she tell you?"

Lucy snorts. "Oh come on Sawyer, we both know what an excellent closet key you've made. In all honesty, I was kinda hoping she'd have realised she's gay by herself, but y'know…"

"Why?" Maggie frowns, ignoring the former part of Lucy's remark.

"Good god, Sawyer, you're more oblivious than she is. Alex hasn't stopped talking about you since you moved here."

Maggie's teeth grind together, the muscles in her arms tensing at Lucy's suggestion.

"It's not like that. We're not-"

"But you want to be. Tell me I'm wrong," Lucy challenges, placing a hand over Maggie's fist.

She swallows, taking the opportunity to turn the sign over while Lucy's eyes follow her. Maggie sighs.

"She doesn't like me. Like that."

"Don't start blasting Hayley Kiyoko too soon, sweetie. The way she looks at you is better than the first time Kara tried a potsticker."

"Whatever, Lane," Maggie mutters, feeling her cheeks growing hot as she runs a hand through her hair, a nervous habit she usually does most around Alex.

"Look, I'll leave you to it," Lucy jumps down from the counter. There's a short silence as Maggie shifts awkwardly from one foot to the other under Lucy's intense stare.

"Just… just don't hurt her." Maggie's eyebrows pull together, and normally Lucy would tease her about her dimples. "Or I'd have to hurt you."

She says it so seriously that Maggie unconsciously leans away from her, making Lucy smirk as she walks towards the door.

"Believe me, Lucy, if I ever did hurt her, I wouldn't stop you."

Lucy turns around, looking almost shocked for a split second, then she nods once, glancing back at Maggie again before letting the door swing shut behind her.

"Maggie? Is that you?"

"Who else?"

There's a pause, and Maggie tries to ignore the slight wince her Aunt gives.

"How was work?" Rosa asks, fiddling with the oven as Maggie drops her rucksack in the doorway of her bedroom. The apartment is small enough that they don't need to raise their voices to be heard from another room. Maggie relaxed into her new fast enough that both of them know it's something she's always needed, always craved; the closeness, the intimacy of having someone genuinely interested in how your day was, someone to have your back, to love you unconditionally.

"You know. Work…ish."

Maggie raises an eyebrow at her, grinning.

"Workish? Now I know something's up."

"Ugh, maybe you should ditch the whole detective thing and become a psychic."

"Should I dust off my crystal ball or are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

Rosa studies her for a long minute, running her hand through her hair in a way she's sure she picked up from her niece.

"My Mom… she didn't call, did she?" Maggie can hear the hint of hope in her voice and hates herself for it.

"No, it's not that, sweetie. Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something. Nothing to do with… with your parents."

"Okay?" Maggie swallows, trying not to seem as nervous as she feels.

"I was thinking… you mention your friend a lot. Alex."

"So?" Maggie's cheeks turn slightly pink, her eyes darting away from her Aunt's gaze.

"So, I want you to be able to tell me things. About your friends… and other things."

Maggie chuckles lightly, rolling her eyes again.

"It's not like that."

"She's straight?"

"Well, no, but-"

"I knew my gaydar was still intact!" Rosa exclaims, holding her hand out for a high five.

"What? You've never even met her," Maggie splutters, hitting her hand with her Aunt's feebly.

"But I think I should meet her. And Maggie, I can tell you like her. It's okay if you don't wanna talk about it."

"What is this? Maggie Sawyer Intervention Day?"

"I'm writing that on the calendar."

Maggie groans, hiding her face in her palms.

"I'm out. Homework."

"Oh, sure."

Maggie's door closes, leaving Rosa alone in the kitchen.

"'Not like that' my ass."

The shrill sound of her phone ringing makes Maggie jump, evaporating any illusion of rest she'd managed to succumb to. Her t-shirt sticks to her skin as she fumbles for her phone, trying to shove any remainder of her nightmare out of her head.

She squints at the screen; Alex. It's just past midnight.

The line crackles as she picks up, trying to slow her breathing before it connects.

"Danvers?"

Alex pauses, trying not to think about how much she loves Maggie saying her name like that, half-asleep and perfect.

"Sorry I woke you up, Maggie. It's just, you mentioned something about never seeing a meteor shower in Nebraska, and just, well… look outside."

Alex's voice is breathless, her excitement only just concealing the insecurity biting at her words as she waits for Maggie to respond.

"Only you, Danvers," Maggie says softly, her voice low enough that Alex almost doesn't catch it.

Maggie pushes her curtains back, opening her window wider to look out at the sky. It's pitch black, looming over the distant ocean like a shadow. The only noise is the soft sound of their breathing as they both watch the brilliant sparks shoot across the sky, one after the other.

"Wow," Maggie breathes after a few minutes of silence.

"Yeah?"

"It's beautiful."

"Beautiful," Alex echoes, her stomach tying itself in knots as she lies back down on her bed, half hoping that Maggie realises she doesn't mean the stars.

"You sounded upset when you picked up."

Maggie's breath catches in her throat, because of course Alex notices everything, phone call or not.

"Bad dream. It's… it's whatever."

"Maggie."

She exhales slowly, pinching the bridge of her nose with her fingers.

"I'm okay. You don't have to worry about me, Alex," Maggie tells her, her voice undemanding, her voice soft.

"But I do, Maggie. I care about you. A lot."

There's an ending to Alex's sentence left unsaid, and it hangs in the air like a dense fog.

"You mean a lot to me. More than anyone," Maggie chokes back tears of anger, mainly at herself because God, she's doing this again, ruining this again.

"Goodnight, Maggie."

The line goes dead before she can reply, and Maggie lies there in stunned silence, feeling like there's a weigh sitting on her chest. Maggie knows that sleep is impossible at this point, so she gives up on the idea altogether and rubs angrily at her eyes, torn halfway between anger at herself and adoration for Alex Danvers.

Maggie's bedroom door creaks as her Aunt opens it, balancing two mugs precariously on a tray as she stands in the doorway.

"Oh, sweetie."


	7. Chapter 7

Maggie's day starts in more or less the same way for the remainder of the week; adrenaline-fueled panting and the taste of blood lingering on the inside of her mouth. Slowly, she eases herself into something half resembling a sitting position, apprehensive of her ability to move with muscles aching from being clenched for what feels like hours. The only sound in the quiet of the early morning is the harsh gasping as she wakes from another nightmare.

The shower is too hot, and Maggie stares at her reflection as the steam invades the tiny bathroom. Lucid, if a little pained, brown eyes stare back at her, and Maggie wonders briefly where the innocent girl from all those years ago went, as the burning droplets of water leave red marks on her skin.

It's almost irrational, and entirely absurd, Maggie speculates, shoving textbooks into her locker before the bell rings, how these days, her mood is half dependent on memories of her family, of the abrupt end to her childhood, and half on how hard she's falling for Alex Danvers, neither of which are bringing around anything good right now.

And if there's one thing Maggie wants to know, it's when everything got so damn complicated.

It's only eight in the morning, and Maggie can already tell it's a bad day. A Bad Day. The ones where there's no obvious reason for the heavy, hollow weight in her chest, made of both concrete and empty space. The ones with no real explanation for the resentment of every passing second. The ones that come without warning, without reason, with promises of guilt, promises of pain, promises of the look in her eyes that's both entirely vacant and entirely, overwhelming present.

The sound of Kara's overly-cheerful voice a few feet away would've made Maggie jump, but the heaviness in her chest is preventing any strong reaction to anything right now, so she forces a smile as Alex approaches her.

And Alex Danvers is nothing if not attentive, nothing if not intelligent far beyond her years, and she doesn't fail to pick up on the bruise-like shadows, the haunted emptiness replacing the usual glint in Maggie's eyes.

If it were anyone else, Alex might freeze, but she knows that look, recognises the hollow exhaustion, because her own Bad Days are filled with panic, with adrenaline and too-fast breathing, filled with insecurity and the all-consuming terror of unfulfilled potential and guilt, all logic having unparalleled unimportance. Alex knows, and she hates that Maggie, of all people, is just as much a victim of herself as Alex is.

And some part of her sighs, because she got all that from a look.

"Danvers."

It's blunt and brimming with enervation, and Alex suppresses the urge to hug her. She's caught in Maggie's gaze, lost in the depth of a silent conversation, and the rest of the world fades away every time Maggie breathes.

"You're coming, right? Alex? Maggie?" Lucy wants to know, unaware that neither of them were listening.

"The party?" Alex asks, her eyes still not leaving Maggie's.

"Yes. My party. Tonight. If your asses aren't there by nine, I'm coming to kidnap you both."

"Actually Lucy, I don't think I'm up to-" Alex says, eyes darting back towards Maggie.

"We'll be there," Maggie interrupts, closing her locker and walking away.

"Alex, have you seen my mascara?" Kara yells from her bedroom.

"Kara, it's probably in your hand. Again."

"Right," the younger Danvers mumbles around a giant mouthful of pizza.

"Does your sister ever eat anything else?" Maggie enquires, glancing up from her phone. She's lying on Alex's bed, waiting for her friend to come out of the bathroom.

"I'm pretty sure I saw a tub of ice cream at some point," Alex says with a smirk, stepping into the room. Maggie has to put all her concentration into not choking on her own breath, because, Rao, this is the first time she's seen Alex in anything but a flannel or an old band t-shirt, and Maggie is trying really hard not to stare.

"Wow. You're breath-taking," Maggie says before she can stop herself, her stomach twisting into knots when she realises that she'd spoken aloud.

Alex chuckles awkwardly.

"Uh, pros of an overbearing mother… I'm good at eyeliner," Alex mutters, blushing so hard Maggie is concerned about the blood vessels in her cheeks.

Alex sits down beside her on the bed.

"You clean up nice too, Maggie, with, uh, the shoes and the hair and all the…" she trails off, cheeks pinker than they were before.

Maggie grins, her dimples coming out in a way that leaves Alex breathless.

Alex gives up on trying to construct a coherent sentence regarding Maggie's appearance and sits down on the bed next to her.

"We don't have to go, you know. If you're not feeling up to it. We could stay here… watch a movie or something."

"I'm good, honestly. It's nothing."

"I'm not saying you have to talk about it or anything, but it's not nothing."

A few seconds pass before Maggie can bring herself to look up from her hands. Her heart is racing, again, and at this point, Maggie's kind of sick of the fight-or-flight feeling every time Alex glances at her. She doesn't want to burden Alex with her problems, but Maggie's come to know that Alex loves with a fierceness that draws you in like an insect to a flame, knowing it's going to hurt like hell but not being able to turn around.

"Stupid therapist keeps throwing words at me."

Alex's hand has somehow found its way into hers, thumb tracing her palm like she's been doing it for years. It feels so natural that Maggie relaxes immediately into the touch. There's something perfect about the way they fit together like it's the simplest thing in the world.

"I know the feeling," Alex murmurs with a nod.

Maggie raises her head, tilting it questioningly to the side. The corner of Alex's mouth lifts in a half smile, her eyes softening under the warmth of Maggie's gaze.

"Anxiety. Oh, and post-traumatic stress from… from my Dad."

Maggie nods, letting her fingers intertwine with Alex's. Friends do this, she thinks, repeating it like a mantra in her head, we're just close friends. That's all.

"Mine keeps bringing up PTSD and bipolar disorder… with the whole ups and downs thing."

Alex nods, suppressing the urge to lean in and kiss her.

"Seeing as we're confessing things here, and I said I wanted to tell you," Maggie begins, swallowing the lump in her throat as Alex looks up at her through her eyelashes, releasing her hand. "Look, I grew up in Nebraska. They don't like it there if you're the slightest bit different."

"So I've heard."

"I was fourteen. It was Valentine's Day, and I had this friend, Eliza Wilke. She'd moved from New York that year." Maggie sighs, and Alex doesn't miss the shakiness to her breath. "She was the first girl I knew I liked in a way that was… different. I'm stupid, so I decided to put a card in her locker telling her how much I liked watching horror movies with her, stealing her Mom's cigarettes. Telling her how much I liked her."

"That was brave."

The comment is completely unanticipated and Maggie stares at her in confusion.

"It was stupid. I was stupid, Alex."

"Maggie, I could never have done that. I'm-" Alex's eyes widen, but if Maggie notices her mistake, she doesn't comment, "I would be terrified," she corrects.

Maggie shrugs, because she has a lot of thoughts about what she did that day, but brave? Brave sure as hell isn't one of them.

"I didn't see her again after that. She gave that card to her parents, and they called my parents," Maggie swallows, "When I got home, my Dad had a suitcase in the car and he dropped me off on the side of the road. Haven't heard from them since."

"I'm sorry, Maggie. You deserve so much better than that."

"It's… whatever," Maggie sighs, pulling away slightly.

"No, it's not whatever, you matter."

Maggie nods tearfully and leans into Alex's open arms with a half-suppressed sniffle.

"Don't we have a party to get to, Danvers?" Maggie reminds her once Alex lets go.

"Well, I'd rather not have my ass handed to me by Little Lane," Alex rolls her eyes as Maggie grins, "but don't ever call her that to her face. She'd kill you."

"Come in, drink the stolen alcohol," Lucy greets them with a wide grin as the door opens.

"Stolen?" Alex questions, chuckling as Maggie laughs behind her.

"Whatever. Lois helped. A bit."

"Nice one, Lane," Maggie comments, taking a plastic cup of beer, smiling at Lucy's attempt at being mysterious.

"She said beer is the strongest thing we're getting," Lucy makes a face, making Alex laugh. "And we only have a few bottles."

"My favourite ladies!" James calls from across the room, "we're missing half the dream team."

"Winn, Lena and Kara are only fourteen. They're not allowed at parties," Alex says wryly, touching her cup with Lucy's.

"Speaking of which, is there something we're celebrating, or are we drinking just for the hell of it?" Maggie wonders allowed.

Lucy pats her on the back with a laugh before answering the door again to Vasquez.

"I'll take that as a yes," Alex mutters under her breath, catching Maggie's eye.

"To coming out?" Maggie whispers in her ear, the thumping of Lucy's speakers concealing her words from the rest of the group.

Alex blushes at the closeness, nodding as she touches her cup to Maggie's. She swallows, grimacing slightly at the taste.

"What are we drinking to?" James asks, raising an eyebrow as Lucy and Vasquez join them on the couch.

"I don't know about Alex, – wait, yes I do – but Vasquez?" Lucy grins, pressing a kiss to their lips as James claps. "To new relationships."

"Ugh," Alex sighs melodramatically, "when did all this… growing up happen? We were twelve, like, two weeks ago."

"Alexandra, you haven't changed since middle school," Lucy grins at her, imitating Eliza's patronising tone.

"If you call me that again, I'll kill you," Alex threatens, unable to keep the smirk off her face as James falls over laughing, because Lucy's impression of Eliza is scarily accurate.

"No, Alexandra," Lucy chastises her, "I can't die before I've accomplished my mission."

Oh God. Or Rao. Any deity will do at this point, because Alex is having flashbacks to last year when Lucy started asking far too many questions about why Alex never had a crush on anyone. She notices with a sigh that James has invited half the football team – even more people to witness her humiliation. Perfect.

"Mission?" she questions, avoiding everyone else's eye contact in favour of glaring at Lucy.

"I'm going to find you someone to give your first kiss before your birthday. You're nearly seventeen, for God's sake."

"What if I don't want to?" Alex mutters, forcing herself not to look at Maggie as her jaw clenches.

Luckily, Lucy doesn't hear her, but shouts something about only having one more month over the thudding music that was evidently chosen by James in return for the bottle of vodka Alex has just noticed on the table.

She bites her lip, staring at her cup and deliberating whether or not to get a coke instead. She wants to be completely sober for this – whatever this is – because she's decided that she'd rather rip the Band-Aid off quickly with the whole coming out thing than let herself agonise over it.

Alex half-yells something about getting a drink and goes to the kitchen by herself, almost having a heart attack when she practically walks into a girl with dark hair, whom Alex recognises vaguely from school. They both try to apologise at the same time, and the girl chuckles while she introduces herself as Darla. Maggie must know her from one of the few classes she and Alex don't share, because Darla's hug lasts longer than Alex thinks is the average, and she feels slightly uneasy as she sits down next to Maggie, turning the can over and over in her hands.

"Truth or dare, Lucy?" Vasquez suggests, sitting down on a bean bag next to their girlfriend.

"Sounds like fun," Lucy agrees, throwing an evil grin in Alex's direction.

Alex pretends not to hear the 'at least it wasn't Spin the Bottle' Lucy mutters in her ear. She watches as Maggie downs the rest of her beer, glancing quickly at the floor when she catches Maggie returning her stare.

It's Lucy's turn first, something about when she realised she was bi, then Darla dares James to take a shot of vodka, and by the time it gets to Maggie, Alex is beginning to hate Darla without any real reason except the way she's sitting too close to Maggie and how she keeps smiling at her.

"Maggie, you're up."

James' voice catches Alex's attention and she makes herself take a sip of her drink, her heart thudding as she notices Darla's hand resting on Maggie's knee. She looks away before she can see Maggie move subtly away from the other girl.

"Really, James?" she complains, reaching over to pour more beer into the plastic cup.

"What's wrong with that?" Lucy asks innocently, eyeing Alex, who has conveniently become fascinated with staring at the wall.

"Nothing. Uh, truth. Is that safer?" she asks with a light chuckle as Alex shrugs without really looking at anyone.

"Danvers, you good?" Maggie murmurs, her lips close enough to Alex's ear that she has to disguise her flinch as a cough while she nods.

"Do you like anyone?"

"Very middle school, James," Lucy observes, "but still a good question."

Maggie tries not to look at Alex, but laughs anyway when Lucy cheers.

"I knew it."

"Hey, I never answered," Maggie protests.

"You didn't have to. I can tell."

"Just one of your many talents, Lane," Maggie says dryly, taking a sip out of the bottle James passes to her. The alcohol smells like nail polish remover and tastes even worse, making her throat burn as she swallows it. It's against her better judgement, but she's trying not to think about Alex right now – especially while sitting next to her – and vodka seems to be working pretty well to numb the throbbing in her chest every time Alex smiles.

"Darla, truth or dare?"

"Dare," she replies without missing a beat, eyes sparkling as she looks at Maggie from the corner of her eye.

Darla's pretty, Maggie acknowledges, sighing when her chest tightens, because right now, she can't bring herself to think of anyone that way but Alex.

"Here, let's make this more interesting," Lucy exclaims, winking dramatically at James. Alex notices that Lucy's a little more than tipsy at this point. There's thud as a plastic bottle ends up on the floor.

"I dare you to kiss whoever this lands on," James says.

Darla nods, taking another sip from the bottle of vodka. "Alright then, spin it."

The bottle spins in slow motion as Maggie swallows the last of her beer and crushes the cup in her fist, watching as Alex walks back into the kitchen with her phone to answer Kara's call.

Of course, the bottle lands on her.

In her semi-drunken haze from too much alcohol in too short a time, Maggie struggles to focus on Darla leaning towards her with parted lips and an easy grin. Darla's lips brush hers once – just for a split second – before she can focus enough to pull away, because her heart is pounding, and all she can think about is Alex, Alex, Alex.

Maggie turns around only to see Alex staring at her with wide eyes sparkling with barely-hidden tears. Her phone is in her hand and she's clutching tightly in her fist, now standing alone in the centre of the room.

"I'm sorry," she chokes out again, her voice cracking as she refuses to meet Maggie's eyes. "I have to go."

"Alex, don't go-" Maggie calls after her, getting up to follow her.

"I'll see you."

And without another word, Alex is gone.


	8. Chapter 8

"Alex, don't go-"

"I'll see you."

"Wait-"

The door closes behind her before Maggie can finish her sentence.

Alex is suddenly acutely aware of the stinging of her eyes and she blinks hastily, hating herself for the unjust tears welling in her eyes. They spill over, streaming down her face, bitter and hot. The image of Maggie's face, eyes wide and full of guilt, is ingrained in her mind, burning into her eyelids every time she blinks. Her chest is throbbing with something that feels too much like loss to make any sense, because how can you lose something you never had to begin with?

Because Maggie isn't hers, and she never was.

She can't get the thought out of her head that she's ruined everything, sabotaged the carefully balanced friendship she's built with Maggie with one look.

It takes her longer than it probably should have to realise that she's walking, and she's not entirely sure where she'd intended on going until she finds herself outside a house by the park, just a few streets away from Midvale's elementary school. She allows herself to reminisce for a few seconds, choking back tears when she remembers the hours she spent in the park with her father, and later, with Vicky.

Vicky.

Alex swallows hard, doing the best she can to rub the makeup under her eyes away before she rings the doorbell.

The few seconds before the door opens feel like hours.

"Lexie?"

The sound of her childhood nickname coming from Vicky's lips sends a fresh wave of sobs through Alex's body, and she tries not to overthink it when she finds herself in Vicky's arms, her face buried in the other girl's shoulder. The hug could last minutes or days for all Alex knows, and by the time she's regained any resemblance of calmness, Vicky is half leading and half carrying her into the house.

"What happened?"

Vicky's eyes are filled with sincerity, and Alex realises with a pang of guilt that Vicky still cares about her, even after all this time.

"I think… I've ruined everything. With Maggie."

"I don't think you could if you tried. You two are so close."

Alex's teeth grind together, and neither of them says anything for a long moment.

"I'm sorry," Vicky murmurs, looking up at Alex, whose shoulders are still trembling despite the balmy heat of early June in California.

"What?"

Alex's voice cracks awkwardly and she winces, clearing her throat. Her eyes dart upwards to take in Vicky's expression, unsure of what to expect.

"I just… I never apologised for what happened. Between us."

Alex doesn't know what to say at this point, and Vicky's unwavering gaze is bordering on uncomfortable as Alex shifts under its intensity.

"It was a long time ago. I'm sorry, too."

The silence hangs in the air like a dense fog, tangible as Alex's teeth graze at her bottom lip.

"It's Maggie, right?" Vicky asks softly, her eyebrows lifted slightly in a knowing look that Alex hasn't let herself miss in a long time.

Her first instinct is to lie, to run, but for some reason, Alex finds herself nodding jerkily, her jaw clenched tightly.

"I'm gay, Vicky."

"I know, Lexie," she replies gently, handing Alex a bottle of water.

"You're not… you're not angry with me?"

"Why would I be angry?"

"I didn't realise that I… and then we just drifted apart, and then Maggie-"

"None of that matters anymore. I know you. Or, I used to, at least. I've seen the way you look at her."

Alex sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"But she doesn't-"

"And I've seen the way she looks at you, too, Lex."

Alex eyes her doubtfully, letting her fists relax slightly when Vicky's hand comes to rest on top of hers. It's almost a relief, not to feel the way she does when Maggie touches her the same way.

"Darla kissed her. At Lucy's party."

"Okay. Did she seem like Maggie wanted to?"

"I mean, I don't know… she was drunk, and I-" Alex sighs, "I was jealous. It's stupid."

"It's not stupid, you can't help how you feel."

"I know, I know. It's just… I feel guilty about it. She trusts me. She needed someone to be her friend and I can't even… I can't even do that without ruining it."

"Alexandra Danvers, if you don't stop beating yourself up I'll call Maggie myself."

There are a few seconds of silence before Alex chokes on a sound that's somewhere between laughter and a cough, and her subconscious must occasionally make good decisions, because she's forgotten how much she'd missed this, now that she's come to terms with how she used to feel about Vicky.

"Sorry, it's nothing," Alex splutters as Vicky looks at her with a bemused expression, "you just… you sounded exactly like my dad. It was weird."

"Jeremiah would've been proud of you, you know," Vicky says with a smile, feeling relieved when Alex returns it.

"You really think so?"

Alex's voice is bordering on insecurity again as she fiddles with the strap of her bag.

"Yeah, I do. I'm sorry, I should've tried to talk to you sooner. I've missed this."

"Me too."

Vicky's phone ringing makes Alex jump, remembering her own phone, which she switched off on the way here. Luckily, it's still in the bag slung over her shoulder. Vicky shoots her an apologetic look before answering the call.

"Sorry, my Dad's nearly home and I'm technically grounded right now…"

"Don't worry about it, I can walk home."

"It's late, I'm sure Eliza wouldn't mind picking you up."

Alex grimaces at that, earning a raised eyebrow from Vicky.

"Come on, we both know she'd rather you were safe than something bad happen."

"You're right."

Vicky hugs her again, and Alex squeezes her tightly before letting go.

"You should talk to Maggie."

Alex scrolls through her notifications as Eliza drives. There are 28 missed calls from Lucy and even more from Maggie. She sighs, her grip on her phone tightening as she feels her mother's eyes on her.

"I didn't realise you'd made up with Vicky, sweetie."

"Neither did I."

There's a long silence and Alex begins to regret her decision not to walk home. Long silences with her mother never usually end well, but there's something different about the deafening silence.

"I know you're struggling at the moment, Alex, but I -"

"Mom, please don't."

"I know it's my fault," she interrupts, watching as confusion passes across her daughter's face.

"What?" Alex's eyebrows pull together as Eliza sighs, her hands gripping the steering wheel tighter.

"I know I've put too much responsibility on you lately, and I'm sorry it's taken me so long to realise that - even though you take care of your sister so well and still do brilliantly at school - you've been struggling too. I think you're trying to deal with everything alone, and you can't do that. No one can."

Alex's jaw clenches as she fights back tears for what feels like the hundredth time that evening. She nods silently, letting Eliza place her free hand in hers.

Kara is at Winn's house when they get home, by which time Alex feels like her chest is going to burst with anticipation.

"Mom?"

"Yes?"

"You, uh, you know Maggie, right?"

"You do mention her a lot," Eliza says gently, sitting down next to Alex on the sofa.

"Yeah, about that... I, uh," Alex swallows nervously, eyes darting around the room as she breathes in as slowly as she can make herself.

"Oh, Alexandra, why is it so hard for you to tell me?"

Alex exhales shakily, trembling as Eliza's hands find their way to her shoulders.

"I don't know. I feel like... I'm letting you down, somehow. By, uh," she looks up slowly, "by liking her."

"Sweetie, why would you liking girls ever be letting me down?"

"You… you always wanted me to have an ordinary life."

"I don't think you believe I expected either of my girls to lead ordinary lives, Alex. I don't think your father could ever be described as ordinary."

Alex chuckles tearfully, nodding.

"You're right. I do have a sister with superpowers."

"There is that," Eliza agrees with a gentle smile, "You are every bit as strong and exceptional as your sister, Alex. I love you, however you are."

Relief floods through her veins and Alex returns the hug Eliza pulls her into without a second thought.

"So what's Maggie like?" she asks with a slightly teasing smile, "I believe I've only met her briefly."

"Mom, we're just friends," Alex insists, her jaw clenching as her cheeks flush slightly. "How did you know, anyway?"

"Keeping a secret disagrees with you, sweetie."

"Fine. Maggie's just… she's smart – like, really smart, but she doesn't think she is for some reason – and she's tough, and she's just… beautiful. She's so beautiful."

"Wow, Alex… you sound like your sister taking about Lena Luthor."

Alex bursts out laughing at Eliza's comment, making a mental note to mention it to Kara.

"Maybe you should talk to her about that."

"Maybe."

Alex's phone rings and she almost flinches at the sudden noise.

"It's Maggie, I should…"

"Of course. It's late, I'm going upstairs."

"Night, Mom."

The phone vibrates when the call connects.

"Maggie."

Her eyes close in relief, exhaling shakily at the sound of Alex's voice.

"Are you okay? I was worried about you."

Maggie bites her lip, afraid her voice will give away that 'worried' is an understatement.

"I'm fine. I shouldn't have walked out on you. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise. It should be me-"

"You didn't do anything wrong, Sawyer."

Maggie swallows painfully, trying not to wince at the guilt gripping her chest.

"Why did you leave, Alex?

The words come out before Maggie considers what she's saying, and the line stays silent for a long few seconds before Alex replies. Her heart kicks up a notch, thudding violently in her chest. The sound of a light switch being turned off brings her back to reality, reminding her of Rosa's presence in the tiny apartment. Maggie pulls the blanket up to her chest, suddenly aware that she's shaking.

"I guess we should talk about that…"

Maggie can hear the fear creeping into her voice, despite it being barely above a whisper.

"Maggie?"

"Yeah, Danvers?"

"Please don't hate me. I just… I feel like I'm ruining everything."

Her jaw must have gone slack somewhere along the way because when Maggie pulls herself together enough to respond, her mouth is open in surprise. Her eyebrows pull together, her chest throbbing at the pain in Alex's voice. Normally she'd shove thoughts like this down as far as humanly possible, but all Maggie wants to do is hold Alex in her arms.

"I could never hate you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."


	9. Chapter 9

_Lying in bed wide awake, I remember_

 _Dancing at night, you're the light that I won't let go_

 _And I want you close_

 _"_ _You must be the famous Alex Danvers."_

 _Blushing, Alex's eyes flit down to her hands for half a second before a grin stretches across her face._

 _"_ _You must be the famous aunt," she returns easily. "I've heard so much about you from Maggie."_

 _"_ _God, she hasn't shut up about you since we moved here. It's nice to finally meet you."_

 _"_ _You too."_

 _Maggie clears her throat awkwardly, her cheeks burning as Rosa and Alex turn to look at her._

 _"_ _I thought you had to go to work," she hints, folding her arms as Rosa leans casually against the doorway._

 _"_ _Right. That."_

 _There's a long moment of silence and a knowing grin aimed at Alex. Rosa tilts her head to the side a little in the same way Maggie does, chuckling as she starts to close the door._

 _"_ _Wait - bedroom door open, Mags."_

 _"_ _What?" Maggie splutters, laughing, "You're not even home! And we're not even in my room."_

 _"You know the rule," Rosa retorts, waving at the pair before leaving._

 _The front door closes with a click._

 _Alex finds herself moving closer unconsciously, gravitating towards Maggie as she mutters some sort of threat aimed at her aunt under her breath. Her chest throbs with adoration when she realises Maggie is blushing._

 _"_ _Sorry about that, Danvers."_

 _"_ _I didn't realise I was so popular around here," Alex teases, melting a little at Maggie's dimpled smile._

 _"_ _Shut up," Maggie says affectionately, her hand inching dangerously close to Alex's where it rests on the couch._

 _Alex's smile fades faster than it usually would, and Maggie doesn't fail to notice how the usual glint in her eyes is absent. This is quickly becoming another one of the many moments that she has to force herself to move away to stop herself from kissing Alex. The raw sense of longing in her chest wants to know what it feels like to run her fingers through Alex's hair and have them tangle in the auburn waves, to know what Alex's lips would feel like against hers._

 _"_ _Maggie?"_

 _The sound of her voice jerks Maggie back to reality, running a hand nervously through her hair as she feels Alex's eyes on her. She moves her hand slowly away from Alex's, biting the inside of her cheek before replying._

 _"_ _Yeah?"_

 _"_ _Did you want to watch Grey's Anatomy again?"_

 _"_ _Nerd."_

 _Alex scoffs, rolling her eyes exaggeratedly. Maggie sniggers, the dimples in her cheeks on full display, and Alex realises she's found a new hobby: making Maggie laugh._

 _"_ _You said it's time for my education," Alex pauses with a frown, "Edu_ _gay_ _tion."_

 _"_ _You're worse than your sister," she mutters, remembering the little rainbow flags that had appeared everywhere in Alex's room after she told Kara. They're like glitter, apparently, and Alex keeps finding them everywhere. Maggie tries not to let Alex win by laughing, but the little one-sided smirk Alex is doing is Maggie's personal brand of kryptonite so she gives in._

 _"_ _Whatever. Apparently we should skip to season five for my lesducation."_

 _"_ _Why, Danvers?" Maggie groans, burying her face in her hands at the pun._

 _"_ _Don't act like you don't love it," Alex points out, turning the volume up. Maggie throws a piece of popcorn at her in response, which Alex catches with a grin._

 _They get through three episodes, and Maggie spends more time watching Alex than the show. The silence is starting to get slightly on the uncomfortable side and the elephant in the room feels omnipresent. Alex is staring at the screen, but Maggie can tell she isn't paying attention to the episode._

 _"_ _I'm going to make some more popcorn," Maggie announces, pausing the next episode before the intro starts. Alex jumps a little when she speaks, but nods slowly, her bottom lip caught between her teeth._

 _The paper bag has just started rotating in the microwave when Maggie feels Alex's presence behind her. Alex has some kind of superhuman ability to sneak up on her, which seems to Maggie to be a Danvers thing, after one too many encounters of Kara stealing her food._

 _"_ _You okay?"_

 _Alex eyes her for a few seconds, playing with a loose thread on the end of her sleeve. The white sleeves are too long for her, and Alex pulls them over her hands, a nervous habit._

 _"_ _I came out to my Mom."_

 _"_ _You did?" Alex nods, moving closer to Maggie. "How'd she take it?"_

 _"_ _Better than me," Alex admits with a shrug, managing something resembling a chuckle.._

 _"_ _But that's not what's on your mind." It comes out less like a question than Maggie had intended, and Alex swallows, her eyes flitting to Maggie's lips. She steps back slightly as if waking from a kind of trance. Her gaze drops to the floor as she folds her arms defensively across her chest._

 _"_ _No," Alex allows, still refusing to meet her eyes. The microwave beeps but neither of them turn to look at it, and Maggie's sure she sees Alex glance towards the door._

 _"_ _So what is?" Maggie asks softly, noticing how Alex's fists tighten at the sound of her voice._

 _"_ _You said the days of me pushing down my feelings are over, and I… you wanted to know why I ran out on you?"_

 _Alex is still refusing to look at her, so Maggie reaches out instinctively, her fingers brushing Alex's neck as Maggie's hand rests on her shoulder. Alex's eyes finally meet hers for a fraction of a second before lowering slightly, and Maggie has to force herself not to consider why Alex is staring at her lips._

 _"_ _I don't want to ruin this, I just… if I don't say it now-" Alex whispers, gesturing at the space between them. She looks down at Maggie through wet eyelashes, fighting the urge to leave._

 _"_ _You're not ruining anything, Alex," Maggie promises, shaking her head slightly. Her back straightens a little, and she still has to look up to see Alex's face. Alex swallows at the closeness, failing spectacularly in her attempt to breathe normally._

 _"_ _I don't want to lie to you, Maggie. I can't do it anymore." Alex's eyes are wide as she looks down at her, her voice lowering to a whisper. "I've never felt like this about anyone before."_

 _Maggie's heart skips a beat when Alex's hand cups her cheek, and she finds herself nodding fervently in agreement._

 _"_ _Neither have I."_

 _A wave of surprise – almost confusion – flashes across Alex's face before settling into a mask that's equal parts disbelief and hope. Maggie leans in, feeling detached from the rest of the world, like a planet with nothing but the radiance of the star it orbits to guide her._

 _"_ _Alex," she murmurs, goosebumps raising on her skin where she feels Alex's breath on her neck. "Alex, look at me." Maggie tries to suppress her shudder when Alex meets her eyes, noticing the green flecks in them for the first time. "Is this okay?"_

 _Alex nods jerkily, her eyes widening as Maggie's fingers link behind her neck. The force that pulls them together is something other-worldly, stronger than anything Alex could have imagined, and something about electromagnetic attraction flits through her brain in the split second before their lips touch._

 _The kiss starts slowly, their lips barely even touching, and Alex's self-control lasts all of two seconds. With Maggie's fingers tangling in her hair, Alex melts at the little sigh she gives when her thumb traces the soft skin of Maggie's dimples. Warmth spreads through Alex's body, her pulse thrumming loudly in her ears. Maggie's lips are softer than Alex realised was possible, and every cell in her body is screaming that this,_ _this_ _, is what a kiss should feel like._

 _Fire dances on Alex's skin as they part, and Maggie's forehead comes to rest against hers. Alex lets out a shaky breath, needing to look at Maggie but unwilling to stop let her go. The soft remnants of a smile play on Maggie's lips, and Alex is sure nothing has ever felt as perfect as it does right now._

 _Seconds pass before Alex can bring herself to open her eyes, only to find Maggie's eyes sparkling with joy._

 _"_ _So you're saying… you_ _like_ _me?" Alex's smile widens when Maggie chuckles, "'Cause that… that's what I got."_

 _The dimples appear again when Alex's hands drop from Maggie's shoulders to intertwine their fingers._

 _"_ _Of course," she nods, looking up at Alex like she put the stars in the sky above them. "You're not going to go crazy on me, are you?"_

 _Alex huffs out a laugh as Maggie pulls her back towards the couch._

 _"_ _Probably," she admits, Maggie's closeness making the room spin slightly. This time, Alex leans in first, flames licking up her skin as she melts into Maggie's touch. She has to pull back for oxygen after a while, and Maggie lets their fingers intertwine._

 _"_ _Can I ask you something?" Alex breathes._

 _"_ _I think we're past that stage, Danvers. Sure."_

 _"_ _Why does everything feel so…" she pauses, a crinkle appearing between her eyebrows as she thinks, "inevitable? I don't know, this just feels so normal."_

 _"_ _Like it was always going to happen?" Maggie questions, tracing patterns on the back of Alex's hand. "Yeah. It does."_

 _They share a smile, and it's like the world around them doesn't exist anymore._

 _"_ _Can I ask you something, Alex?"_

 _Alex tries and fails to stop smiling. Her cheeks are flushed and her hair is tangled, but her eyes sparkle as she nods. "Of course."_

 _"_ _Will you go on a date with me, Alex Danvers?"_

 _"_ _Yes," Alex blurts before Maggie can finish her sentence, blushing as she ducks her head. Maggie's hand cups her face and she pauses to let Alex lean in if she wants to. This time, the kiss only lasts a second, mainly because neither of them can stop grinning. Alex buries her face in Maggie's neck, pulling her into a hug._

 _Rosa's shift ends early that afternoon, and she opens the door quietly, not knowing what to expect. Maggie has her arm around Alex and the sound of the door must have interrupted a conversation, because they fall silent._

 _Alex glances at Maggie awkwardly, still smiling._

 _"_ _It's fine, Alex," Maggie says softly._

 _"_ _Wow. Called it! Door stays open from now on."_

 _"_ _Stooooop," Maggie groans, hiding her face in her hands as Alex bursts into laughter._


	10. Chapter 10

"I can't believe I don't get to hold your hand at school," Alex sighs, noticing for the first time that Maggie's staring at her. "What?"

"I'm worried that if you make that face at me I won't be able to say no to you. Like. Ever."

"What face?" Alex scoffs, shoving the laptop off her lap to roll over, resting on one arm to look at Maggie.

"That face. Sure you're allowed to be that cute, Danvers? It doesn't seem fair."

Alex chuckles lightly, brushing a strand of hair from Maggie's face.

"So you _do_ like me?" she teases, relishing the warmth of Maggie's arm around her as she snuggles into her side.

Maggie laughs, reaching for Alex's hand.

"Yes, I promise."

Alex's fingers are suddenly against Maggie's lips, the gesture making her skeleton feel like a theory, not an actual fact.

"The bedroom door's closed, you know. I think I've disappointed your aunt already," Alex points out.

"I'm not complaining. At least no one's going to just walk in."

"That would be awkward… but don't you just want to shout this from the rooftops?" she murmurs.

Somewhere underneath Alex's teasing lurks the insecurity that turns her confession into a question, and Maggie swallows hard at the uncertainty lingering in Alex's voice.

"Of course I do. It's just… I want to enjoy this, us, for a little while."

Maggie's explanation sounds unconvincing, even to her, but Alex's smile returns soon after, the tension in her shoulders fading in relief.

"I know."

"Speaking of, how are you planning on telling your family? My aunt knows, obviously, but what about Kara, your Mom?"

Alex grimaces, sitting up straighter on the bed, the laptop long forgotten.

"I'm not worried about telling Kara. Kind of the opposite, actually."

"But?"

"I'm sure Eliza would be fine. It's not like she asked me if it was a phase ten thousand times or anything."

"Is it?" Maggie asks with mock seriousness, her dimples on full display as she laughs.

Alex hums in agreement, leaning in to press her lips to Maggie's. The kiss doesn't work very well with both of them smiling, but Alex's cheeks are flushed when she pulls away, her eyes sparkling.

"Hmm, definitely gay."

"Good to know."

They watch the rest of the episode in a comfortable silence, Alex's head coming to rest on Maggie's shoulder. By the time the sound of a car pulling up outside interrupts the show, it's almost dark outside.

"I have to go," Maggie says with a sigh.

Hopping off the bed, Alex holds out her hand, which Maggie takes with a grin. Eliza is still at work, leaving them alone with Kara and Lena, who thankfully are watching a movie downstairs.

"Walking me to the car and everything," Maggie says, shrugging on her jacket as her Aunt pulls up outside, "very chivalrous."

Alex blushes, glancing around before pulling Maggie closer. Maggie melts at the way Alex pauses before kissing her, waiting for Maggie to reciprocate. The flush of Alex's skin when she pulls away combined with the almost self conscious half-smile is something Maggie knows she couldn't ever get tired of.

"I have ulterior motives," Alex jokes, winking at Maggie as she walks away.

She stands there for a minute after Maggie's aunt drives away, grinning and half wondering if her neighbours saw, and if they did, whether they'd care enough to mention it to Eliza. When she makes it back into the house, Kara is waiting for her in the doorway.

"Alex! Why didn't you tell me?" she squeals, jumping up and down in her excitement.

"How?"

"I took my glasses off for two seconds."

"Okay, firstly, don't tell Mom, and secondly, it happened _yesterday_ , you haven't even been home since then."

"Fair point. So, is she like, your girlfriend?"

Kara's eyes are wide and inquisitive, and it couldn't be more obvious that she's barely holding back laughter at Alex's blush.

"Maybe? We haven't really talked about that yet."

"So did she ask you out or did you ask her?"

"Well, Maggie actually asked me on a date first, but it was kind of a mutual thing."

"I'm so happy for you, Alex!"

Kara throws her arms around her, squeezing so hard Alex is sure she'll have bruises in the morning.

"Thank you. I am happy."

She blushes, ducking her head as Kara's grin widens.

"You should go be with your friend," Alex suggests, already halfway up the stairs.

"You're telling me everything later!"

Monday morning seems to last forever, and Alex is counting the minutes until the bell rings at the end of physics.

She spots Maggie leaning against the doorframe and she can't stop herself from grinning at her.

"Got somewhere exciting to be, Alex?"

Alex's stomach twists in annoyance.

"What do you want, Max?"

He eyes her for s few seconds, and Alex shifts uncomfortably under his stare as she gathers her things.

"Actually, I wanted to know if you want to go ou-"

"No. Thank you," Alex says coldly, trying not to enjoy the moment when the look of confusion that someone wouldn't want to date him passes over Max's face.

"Why?" he demands, the over-confidence turning to anger at Alex's rejection, just as she'd expected. "Are you a lesbian or something?"

Alex can't stop the laugh that bursts from her lips at the question.

"Even if I wasn't, the answer would still be the same. Bye, Max."

Alex leaves the lab, approaching Maggie, who must have heard the conversation because her eyes are sparkling with amusement.

"Have I ever told you how brilliant you are, Danvers?"

"Once or twice."

They walk across the campus together, finding a place to sit outside.

"Still wanna shout it from the rooftops?" Maggie asks, watching as Alex looks up from her homework to scowl at Max's friends.

"Sorry," Alex sighs, looking guilty.

"Don't be. I want to tell everyone too, but I-" Maggie cuts herself off, shaking her head. "It's stupid. It doesn't matter."

"You can tell me, Mags. I'm not going to judge you."

Maggie's chest tightens at Alex's unwavering support. She plays with a blade of grass absent-mindedly, wrapping it around her thumb.

"I've rushed into telling everyone my feelings once before and it didn't exactly work out well. People are going to say things. Things that I've heard before, Alex. You're just so _perfect_. You deserve better than that. I just don't want them to hurt you like they hurt me."

"So we'll wait," Alex assures her gently, fighting the urge to kiss Maggie, "we can go on secret dates and hide behind the school so no one sees us. Like the secret service or something."

That draws a smile out of her, and Alex automatically reaches out to hold her hand.

"Oops. Wait, friends hold hands, right?"

Maggie stares at her blankly.

"Alex. That's gay."

They both burst into laughter, and neither of them notice that Kara and Lucy are walking towards them until Kara hugs Alex from behind, making her jump.

"What's gay?"

"What isn't, is a better question," Maggie answers easily.

Lucy's eyes flit suspiciously between Alex and Maggie.

"Come on, Danvers. Lucy doesn't count as people," Maggie affirms, grinning at Alex's surprise.

"Oh, thank God," she sighs in relief, squeezing Maggie's hand.

"Gay," Lucy agrees, smirking, "Vasquez owes me like thirty dollars."

"You bet on us?" Alex hisses, glaring at Lucy.

"Yep."

When Alex opens her locker after school, there's a post-it resting on top of her books. In Maggie's handwriting, it reads _I'll wait by the parking lot after school. See you, Danvers_.

Once again, Alex is smiling stupidly for no externally visible reason, and once again, people are staring at her. She shoves a few textbooks into the locker and almost locks her keys inside it in her eagerness to get out of school.

"Hey, you."

"How was your day?" Maggie asks, pulling her earphones out as Alex approaches her.

"I didn't see Max again."

"So amazing?"

"You could say that," Alex agrees, leaning on the wall, her lip caught between her teeth as she looks down at Maggie.

"You alright there, Danvers?"

"What? Yeah, it's just you don't usually have your hair down, and it's, I mean, uh-" Alex stutters, blushing hard. "I'm gay," she whispers.

"We've established that, Danvers."

Maggie shakes her head affectionately, taking Alex's hand.

"Can we go before I embarrass myself further?"

"Anything for you, Danvers."

They end up at the beach. Alex's beach. It's almost empty, with it being a Monday evening, and the warm air of late Spring throws the waves further and further up the shore.

"I can't believe I tried vegan ice cream for you, Mags. You should be flattered."

"And you didn't hate it."

"It was gross. But apparently I can't say no to my girlfriend, so here we are."

Maggie stays silent for a few seconds, and they both watch the sun sinking below the horizon. Alex's momentary surge of confidence is fading quickly.

"Girlfriend?"

Alex backtracks immediately, her heart thudding with panic. Maggie squeezes her hand gently, and they lock eyes.

"Is that okay? Do you want that?"

"You have to say it," Maggie insists, blushing slightly as she lets the sand run through her fingers.

"Do you want to be my girlfriend?" Alex breathes, speaking almost too quickly in her rush to get the words out.

"More than anything."

She leans forward and kisses Alex's burning cheek. Her lips linger there for a second longer than she'd intended, and Alex takes the opportunity to turn her head so that their lips meet. Kissing Maggie is somewhat addictive, and soon enough her fingers are cupping Maggie's face, her whole body buzzing with electricity as Maggie's fingers tangle in her hair.

When Alex pulls away, Maggie's silhouette is bathed in warm light trickling down from the sky, and she feels drunk on the feeling, like the world could end right now and it wouldn't matter. Maggie's forehead comes to rest against hers, their breathing returning to something resembling calm.

"You're so beautiful."

Alex looks up in surprise, her breath catching in her throat at Maggie's swollen lips and wide eyes.

"You, Mags. You."

Maggie ducks her head, her bashful grin making it impossible for Alex to look away, even if she'd wanted to. It's quiet for a few minutes, with just the sound of waves crashing on the sand in the background. Maggie leans into Alex, basking in the sense of peace that feels infinite.

"I used to come out here all the time when I was a kid," Alex's voice is low, as if speaking above a whisper would shatter the perfection of the moment. "Sometimes my Dad would take me here after school and we'd just lie here, watching the stars for hours."

"I wish I could've met him. He sounds-"

"Amazing?" Alex guesses, feeling Maggie nod against her arm.

"I was going to say he sounds like you, but they're the same thing."

"Very smooth, Sawyer."

"I try."

The wind picks up a little, and Alex slides out of her jacket, pulling it over Maggie's shoulders. Maggie smiles gratefully, amazed by how safe she feels in Alex's arms.

"My Mom would be so angry when we stayed out late, but it never mattered because it was the only thing we still had together after Kara came. I couldn't bring myself to come here for the first year. After."

"You were what? Fifteen?"

"A week after my birthday."

"I'm sorry, Alex."

She swallows, her eyes wet.

"I just wanted you to know that I haven't even brought Kara here before. Right here – this is the spot we used to sit in, between the rocks. Everything about this place reminds me of him, which was horrible at first, but now it's… kinda comforting."

"Not even Kara?" Maggie echoes in surprise.

Alex shakes her head.

"You've become really important to me, Mags, I I don't want to imagine my life without you in it. I guess this is the closest I'll get to the whole 'meet my girlfriend' thing with my Dad, bringing you to our place," Alex pauses, meeting Maggie's eyes, "He would've loved you, you know."

Unsure of how to respond, Maggie stays silent, all too aware of how much that means.

"Was that what you wanted to get off your chest?"

Alex cocks her head, confused.

"Crinkle," Maggie explains, planting a kiss there.

"Oh. That and the whole girlfriend thing."

"Are you sure there isn't something else? Don't tell me. You're an alien?" Maggie teases, trying to coax a smile out of Alex and instead receiving the opposite.

Maggie feels the moment Alex's body goes rigid, her hands clenching into fists.

"Hey, Alex? Did I say something?"

Alex exhales slowly, shaking her head.

"I'm so stupid," she mutters, "It's nothing. Don't worry."

"Danvers," Maggie turns around, waiting for Alex to look at her. "You have Kara face."

"Huh?"

"You get this look when you're worried about Kara. You're doing it now."

"How do you know me so well?"

"I pay attention."

Alex swallows hard, uncertainty flashing across her face. The look of confusion on Maggie's face changes to realisation so quickly that Alex is sure she has whiplash.

"Oh."

"Oh?"

"Alien. Kara face."

"Mags-"

"Kara's not from this planet, is she?"

Alex's mouth hangs open in shock, her eyes widening.

"That's not… that's not what I meant."

"But it's true. Come on, Alex, it makes sense."

"Eliza is going to kill me. Literally, actually kill me. Seriously, you're going to be planning a funeral tomorrow."

"Not if I can help it. I'm not going to tell anyone. At all. I promise."

Alex sighs, reaching for Maggie's hand.

"You realise you're like, ridiculously smart, right?"

"You getting soft on me, Danvers?"

"Hmm, don't tell anyone. I have a reputation."

"Wouldn't dream of it."


	11. Chapter 11

The phone rings twice before Maggie picks up.  
"Good morning, Danvers."  
A smile tugs at Alex's lips at the sound of Maggie's voice, still rough with sleep.  
"Hey, you."  
"You okay?" Maggie asks, amused, "It's... six-thirty."  
Alex hears her sit up in bed, and she imagines the tired smile on her girlfriend's face. "Mmm, just wanted to hear your voice."  
Maggie chuckles audibly, and Alex can almost hear the teasing smile in her voice. "That's gay."  
"So you don't like our morning phone calls? You were the one who started it, Sawyer." "No! I like it... it's our thing. Just an observation."  
Alex laughs breathily as she rolls over in bed.  
"What?"  
"You sound all sleepy. It's cute."

There's a short silence as Maggie apparently struggles to think of words. Alex enjoys the knowledge that she can have exactly the same effect on her girlfriend that Maggie usually does on her, if she wants to.

"So soft, Danvers. Anyway, did you manage to tell your Mom yet?" "If I say yes can I stop thinking about it?"

"That's up to you," Alex hears Maggie's Aunt say something in the background, "I have to go, Danvers. See you in English?"

"Definitely."

After a few minutes of deliberation, Alex decides that today is the day. It's one thing telling Eliza about her relationship with Maggie, but what she's truly dreading is when she finds out Maggie knows Kara's secret.

Pulling on a t-shirt, she sends a quick text to Maggie, and the reply comes a few seconds later. Good luck, Danvers. May the force be with you, and all that. ;)

Encouraged by her girlfriend's nerdy reassurance, Alex grabs her bag, and makes her way down the stairs to where Eliza is sitting in the kitchen, reading an article on her phone.

"Good morning, Sweetie," she murmurs absent-mindedly.

"Hi."

Alex stands frozen for a few seconds before deciding it's better to get it over with quickly.

Now or never.

"Maggie and I are dating."

Eliza puts down her phone, looking up at Alex through her glasses with a smile.

"She's your girlfriend?"

Alex blushes, her heart leaping as she nods.

"Yeah. Yes."

"That's wonderful, Alex."

She pulls Alex into a tight hug, taking her daughter by surprise.

"Thank you... I'm glad you're okay with it."

"Okay with it? Maggie's a lovely girl from what I've heard. I'm happy you're happy."

Alex grins at her, pouring some coffee into a mug.

"Hey, you should invite her over for dinner!"

"I don't know... is it too soon for that?"

"You tell me."

"Hmm... I'll mention it to her. I want you to meet Maggie. I think you'll like her."

"I know I will."

"Actually, Mom, there's something else about M-"

Kara bursts into the room with a piece of toast hanging out of her mouth.

"Alex we're going to be late."

Kara looks at her questioningly when she grimaces, wishing her ability to interact with her Mother was better.

"Let's go."

"Alex."

Alex sits up straight, a look of confusion on her face. Maggie chuckles under her breath, probably enjoying distracting her girlfriend a little too much. Their fingers are intertwined under the table – sitting at the back of the classroom has its perks, apparently.

"She wants you to read for Juliet," Maggie whispers, smirking.

"Ugh, why?" Alex groans.

"Maggie, you read for Romeo, please," Miss Grant interjects.

Alex snorts, drawing the attention of a few classmates as Maggie chokes on her laughter. If she has to suffer, then so does Maggie.

"Come to the front, please, girls."  
Alex swears under her breath, much to Maggie's amusement. "Please can we just stay here, Miss?"  
"No. Hurry up, I don't have all day."

Maggie drags her to the front of the class. There are only a few other students here, luckily, most of them having started their exams already. Alex's cheeks are burning as Maggie passes her a script.

"The significance of this scene," Miss Grant begins, beginning a long introduction to the themes and characters in the play.

Don't look at Lucy, Alex repeats in her head, over and over as Miss Grant talks. Finally, she finishes speaking, and Maggie raises an eyebrow at her before beginning.

"If I profane with my unworthiest hand this holy shrine, the gentle fine is this, my lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss."

Alex chokes on her breath when Maggie's eyes immediately dart to her lips. "Miss Danvers?"

Alex clears her throat, wanting nothing more than for the floor to swallow her whole. Maggie looks oddly calm, a playful grin stretching across her face. Her dimples are distracting, and Alex finds herself getting more and more anxious as Miss Grant coughs loudly to get her attention.

"Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much, which mannerly devotion shows in this; for saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch, and palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss."

Miss Grant gestures for Alex to take Maggie's hand, and Alex concentrates hard on exhaling like a normal person when Maggie winks at her.

"Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?" Maggie returns easily, her voice hushed in the quiet of the room.

"Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer," Alex mumbles, trying not to look at anything except the piece of paper in her hands.

"O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do; they pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair."

Maggie seems strangely comfortable with fifteen or so teenagers watching them read each other what are essentially Shakespearean pickup lines. Alex's wrist trembles from the uncomfortable angle she's holding Maggie's hand at, and Maggie's dimples deepen as Alex blushes harder, but somehow she manages to stutter out her response.

"Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake."  
"Then move not while my prayer's effect I take. Thus from my lips, by thine my sin is purg'd."

Alex squints at the piece of paper, her heart in her mouth when she reads the following stage directions. She looks at Maggie for a few seconds, a burst of confidence permeating her thoughts as Maggie beams at her, nodding.

"You sure?" she whispers, her voice just low enough that only Maggie can hear. "Go ahead, Danvers."  
Alex leans in and kisses Maggie.

It was only meant to be a quick peck, but Alex has no self control anymore, and they only pull apart when Lucy gets half the class to start clapping. Alex steps backwards, her heart racing, to find Miss Grant trying to hide her smile.

"Then have my lips the sin that they have took."  
"Sin from my lips? O trespass sweetly urg'd! Give me my sin again."

Alex chuckles, rolling her eyes at Maggie's tone. She leans a little closer, trying to make Maggie as flustered as she is.

"You kiss by the book."

Lucy continues clapping as they return to their seats, grinning awkwardly as Miss Grant puts on a mock-serious face as the bell rings, and Alex is all too aware that the rest of the school will know by lunch.

"Your first exam is next week, so please study that scene in particular. If you need me to sign any college applications or write you a recommendation, you know where my office is. Now leave."

By the end of school, Maggie is still amused by Alex's perpetual blush, which is mostly due to Lucy and Vasquez's constant teasing for the following five hours. As she fishes her keys out of the bottom of her bag, she feels people's eyes on her, hears them whispering.

You're being paranoid, she tells herself, spotting Alex across the hallway. "Good day?" Maggie asks as they walk.  
"Don't push your luck," Alex growls, trying and failing to seem annoyed.

"Are you free to help me fill out college applications this evening?" Maggie suggests, wanting to get away from the other students.

"I'm sure that's all we'll end up doing," Alex says sarcastically, "Like yesterday when we studied."

Maggie flushes at the memory of Alex quizzing her on physics equations for a whole four minutes, until two hours later Rosa had vowed never to walk into Maggie's room again without knocking, despite their insistence that they were only kissing.

"You alright there, Sawyer?" "Shut up."

"No, really," Alex opens the car door for Maggie, "I guess you changed your mind about people knowing about us?"

"It's not my fault you're so cute," Maggie mumbles.  
"Mags," Alex says gently, stroking the top of her girlfriend's hand with her thumb.

"I was scared people would say things. They probably will, but I just got sick of pretending to be someone I'm not, even if the alternative blew up in my face last time. But... we should get to be who we are. Screw everyone else."

Alex nods firmly, her eyes shining as she smiles down at Maggie.  
"You're right. I just wanted to make sure I didn't push you into something you weren't ready for." "Don't worry about it, Danvers."

"How many colleges have you applied to, Danvers?" Maggie asks in awe, staring at the giant stack of papers on Alex's lap. She passes Alex the mug of coffee in her hands, secretly enjoying the fact that her girlfriend feels comfortable enough to wear her glasses around her.

"Uh, Stanford, University of California, National City University, and... uh, a lot." "I can tell. Actually, I applied to NCU and California too."  
"Any responses yet?"  
"Nope. You?"

"A no from San Diego."  
"Twenty dollars says that's the only no you'll get."

"I'm applying to eleven colleges. You really want to take that bet, Mags?" The bed shifts as Maggie climbs onto it, resting her head on Alex's shoulder.

"Yes, nerd."

Rolling her eyes, Alex leans over to press her lips softly to Maggie's forehead. "Suit yourself."

"So," Maggie begins, sighing as Alex kisses down her jaw, "how did it feel to come out to everyone?"

Alex thinks for a second before replying, picking up on the caution edging Maggie's words. "Good. It felt good."  
"Yeah?"  
"Mmm," Alex hums, brushing Maggie's hair out of her face with her hand, "What about you?" "So far there's been no graffiti on my locker, I still have a home. Better than last time, I guess." Alex winces, her chest clenching at the uncertainty in Maggie's voice.

"Max was staring at me in the hall," Alex admits reluctantly, "like he wanted to say something." Maggie's jaw clenches, and she draws her knees up to her chest defensively.  
"You shouldn't have to-"  
"I'm not afraid of them, Mags."

"Alex."

A sigh escapes Maggie's lips, and she lets go of Alex's hand to run her fingers through her hair. Alex sits up slowly, her lip caught between her teeth as Maggie avoids her eyes.

"It's late, Mags. I should get home before Mom does."

"See you around, Danvers," Maggie says gruffly, her jaw set when she pulls Alex into a tight hug, wanting nothing more than to just hold her forever in the safety of the tiny apartment.

Alex pauses silently in the doorway for a heartbeat before Maggie sees her shoulders sag, and she leaves.

Guilt radiates through Maggie's chest, the overwhelming urge to protect her crushing her under its weight. Maggie doesn't leave her room until an two hours later when her Aunt gets home from work, asking if she's eaten.

"I'm not hungry."  
"You have to eat something, Mags. Are you sick?"  
"I'm going to bed, Rosa."  
Maggie's door closes before her Aunt can protest, and the apartment is silent again.


End file.
